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The Other Side Of Through

Rosemary Hill

Pearly Gates Publishing, LLC, Houston, Texas

The Other Side of Through

Copyright © 2018

Rosemary Hill

All Rights Reserved.

No portion of this publication may be reproduced, stored in any electronic system, or transmitted in any form or by any means (electronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, or otherwise) without written permission from the author or publisher.

Brief quotations may be used in literary reviews.

Library of Congress Control Number: 2018932401

Scripture references used with permission from Zondervan via

Public Domain.

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Pearly Gates Publishing, LLC

Angela R. Edwards, CEO

P.O. Box 62287

Houston, TX 77205

Published by Pearly Gates Publishing LLC at Smashwords.

This book is available in print at most online retailers.


I dedicate this book to a few people who were instrumental in my journey to wholeness and wellness—emotionally, mentally, and physically:

Ashely D. Hill, Amber D. Hill, and David A. Hill, Jr.: To my kids —you were there for me much of my journey. Some of it is your journey as well. There are things not mentioned in this book because I was not led to share them—mostly because of you. I am unaware of just how deeply my journey impacted you, and I want the three of you to know that although I made some good decisions, I also made some bad ones. They were all made with the very best intentions. I would like to believe that not leaving the marriage sooner was in your best interest. I must admit: It really was because I did not know my own strength. As I reflect on my journey, I see a woman who was afraid of so many things, and the biggest was being ‘flawed’. I pray that you learn it’s okay to be flawed; it’s okay to let go; and it’s okay to not just start over, but get right back up, take your fighting stance, or simply move your feet until you are no longer in an unsafe place—or until you have reached the other side. I thank you for the love, support, and respect you have always shown towards me as your mother, as your Sister-in-Christ, and as your friend. This book is dedicated to you in hopes that you, too, will find strength and encouragement. Take note of where you are in your journey. It is important to know when you’re entering a storm, when you are in the midst of the storm, and when you have made it to the other side of the storm. I apologize for the times you carried me. My job as a parent is to carry you and lift you up, and although there may be a day when you may have to care for me, that time is not now. For what you have already done, thank you. I pray God blesses each of you for being a blessing to me! Thank you for the wonderful welcome home from the hospital and the sticky notes all over my mirror. They still give me goosebumps as I read them from time to time to remind me: We have the VICTORY in Jesus!

Norma Shaw: My Momma—I found a strength deep inside me that once I tapped into it, I looked in the mirror and saw YOU. Mom, I am sorry this journey became so heavy for me. I am sorry I lost my way, my will, and my fight. I watched you shoulder so much pain, hurt, death, and disappointment—then, you balled it up and threw it back at the world. You told your paid that if it was going to stick around, it could only sit in the corner and be quiet. You silenced the enemy when he came charging at you. I so wanted to be like you. I wanted my children to see me as I see you, and I lost it. I tried to carry it all, but when I fell, you were right there to help me up. I thank you that as I traveled to the other side of through, you kept me close. I heard your prayers, Momma, when you asked God to send His angels. He heard you. He sent them, and they helped me to the other side of through. My journey is not over but that season is over, and I am never to pass through that way again. I love you, Mom.

Tommie L. Shaw: My Father—Thank you for all you did to help raise me to be the person I am. I learned the true meaning of helping people as I watched you fix cars, help someone find a home, or even give someone a home. You supported me in high school and was my biggest fan when Shennetta and I ran track relays. I loved hearing your version of how well our relay team did because they were so animated and made me smile. You would tell me that without us, they didn’t have a track team. I knew better though; it took all four of us to finish the race. May you rest in peace, knowing that all you taught me was useful on my journey.

Dr. Judy Jacobs: Thank you for the counseling you provided me during the hardest and darkest moments of my life. Counseling is necessary, and I am forever grateful you took care of my children and me by helping us to heal emotionally. You reminded us how much God loves us and of the power we possess through Him to overcome the challenges and tragic losses we experience. The marriage could not be saved, but you saved my life by helping me decide to take the journey to the other side. I am forever grateful for the sessions and phone calls.

Kisha Kyler: I thank you for always praying for my family and me. I appreciate the phone calls, texts, and always letting me know you are proud of me. You are an amazing Woman of God, and I’m extremely proud of you and Chris.

Amber Alexander: Thank you for loving me as your friend. Thank you for running the Army Ten-Miler with me. I still can’t believe what an amazing runner you are! You refused to leave me behind (even though you could have finished at least a half-hour before me and my bad knees), you stayed with me, and, more importantly, you finished with me. Amber, this is indicative of how you stayed with me and prayed with and for me during this journey. I look back on this journey and smile at God’s Word when it tells us, “He will never leave us nor forsake us” (Deuteronomy 31:6). Your loving spirit reflects God’s love, kindness, and tender mercy. You are so many things to so many people, but to me, you are an amazing friend.

Seble Bynum: The conversations we have are funny, they are honest, and they are free-flowing. The thing that makes our conversations amazing is that they are REAL. I love that when we talk, no matter how long it has been, we connect—with the most important things to us both are that we are okay and that our families are okay. I am grateful for you. You expressed much empathy after learning I had gone through so much on this journey, and you almost felt as though you let me down. Seble, you were exactly where you were supposed to be, and I thank you for that.

Francis and Lisa Hayden: I am simply blown away by how both of you took time from your lives to love my family and me. Lisa, you were there for quite a bit of my storm. There were times I would not share all I was going through because it was not time; however, with your discernment, I am sure you knew, and you just prayed for me. You quickly learned who I was and trusted me to be your friend and part of your family. The countless conversations and emotions that you and I have shared helped me get through some tough situations. Whether we were talking about how good God is, His amazing love for us, or in tears laughing about how messed up shipments were in the warehouse, you were and still are my friend and my sister. I love you both and thank you for continuing to be there for me.

Pastor Jeffery Smith and Lady Nicola Smith: My spiritual parents who, every Sunday and Wednesday, bring forth love, wisdom, intellect, and shows compassion for every member of Strong Tower Ministries in Fredericksburg, Virginia. When my husband left me, Lady Nicola, you did not leave my side. You called and texted me to make sure I was doing well. You prayed with me, and you prayed for my children and me that God would cover us. Thank you for creating an environment of love at Strong Tower Ministries, and for reminding me of the importance of telling my story.

Rene Hill: You were never my “Sister-in-Law” because the day we met, you were my friend—and then quickly became my big sister. During my journey, you called and sent cards and flowers, but it was your prayers that got me through. I thank you for sharing your journey with me, as it helped me to understand that I was not the first or last person to have their spouse of over 20 years leave them. It was funny how when you would go to your therapy appointments, you would come back and share with me what you learned. I get teary-eyed as I think of the strength it must have taken to seek help and understanding for yourself, and still save a little to give to me. Your love shown towards me was unselfish, and I thank you for everything you did to support me along the way.

Carmella Smith: My Bestie—There are so many things I can say to you, but this dedication is to share with the world how you have been there for me during my journey to the other side of through. It has been difficult. Each time I started to write my ‘thank you’, I found myself talking about how much fun we had in high school or recalling some of the challenges we faced. During this journey, it was confirmed that God placed you in my life for a season, a reason, and a lifetime because just like always, I did not have to tell you how I was feeling: you just knew. It was like I was hurting so bad, you felt my pain. It was evident because each word you spoke to me was exactly what I needed to hear at the exact time I needed to hear it. With all that you had going on with your family, you made time for me…your best friend. Thank you for over 30 years of friendship and for joining me on this journey from across the miles as I now share my story with the world.

Ingrid Williams: Affectionately known as “My MeMe”—I thank you for being a friend and a sister to me. I appreciate your genuine support and am forever grateful for your mentorship and guidance in becoming a part of the best sorority on the planet. Your faith and trust in me as a Contracting Professional means the world to me, and I am honored you engage in the fun conversations with me about the Federal Acquisition Regulation (FAR). You know that’s a love story, right? During my journey, you always took time to listen and just sit on the phone with me. You would ask me questions, and unbeknownst to you, you were helping me think through things. You helped me get through the task at hand—one step at a time and one task at a time as I moved closer to the other side of through. Thank you!

Dr. Brenda T. Bradley: I am not making mention of you in this book because you introduced me to Angela Edwards at Pearly Gates Publishing. Nor am I mentioning you because you allowed me to co-author a book you published entitled I Feel Good which, in fact, became an International Best-Selling Book. And it is surely not because you are the mastermind behind the ’21-Day Vegan Challenge’ (which I completed TWICE). The mention is simply because you have a heart for people. As I watch you, I love to see that your journey is not about you; it’s about others. You are gorgeous and down to earth, with simplicity and class. You love and laugh on purpose and with purpose! I do want to publicly thank you for introducing me to Angela Edwards, for her Christian publishing house is what I needed at this part of my journey to share my testimony I had been holding onto. You were there for me when I had to revisit the emotions and feelings while going “through”. You listened to my story with compassion and amazement, recognizing the sensitivity of the topic and providing me with advice I needed to hear that gave me strength to unpack from my journey. Thank you for it all!

Jarvis B. Bradley: You support all those around you with ease and challenge us all to be GREAT! You are a great conversationalist, and I appreciate your eclectic taste in all things. In some way, each day you share your energy with others so that your light might send a spark to flame someone else’s torch. You take delight in not only seeing others succeed, but you are always willing to help. I ask God to bless you and your family for being a blessing to me and giving me your gift of friendship. I know that sometimes, your journey may get tiring, but I pray your strength and that God will refill your cup for being a good person. I met you at a stage in this journey when I was broken, and you made me laugh. For that moment, you forced me to forget about the journey. You demanded I just breathe and enjoy the moment. My eyes were opened. I am now “woke”. I pray my laughter, hunger for success, and desire to see others succeed are as contagious as yours. My hopes are that all you extended to me, I will extend to others as I share my journey. Stay focused, Jarvis. I pray your success, as well as that of your family. Lastly, thank you for introducing me to your “twin”, Dr. Brenda T. Bradley.

Melvin Harrison: You have been more than a brother; you have been an amazing friend to me. Our conversations are always on FIRE! When we talk about the Word of God and what He has done in our lives, we get so excited and have our own little preaching-party. Thank you for praying for me and speaking new beginnings into my life. You always let me know you are proud of me and always hearing my heart. There were many times during my journey that you spoke directly to my situation without even knowing. I am grateful because sometimes, life can hurt so much, I am unsure I could put the words together to tell you how I was feeling. Thank you.

Narrissia Harrison: During this journey, I did not share many things with you because I did not know how. I still think about why I never called you when I was falling apart, especially when this journey got to be too much for me. As my big sister, I believe the ways in which you were there for me growing up helped to prepare me for this journey. You showed me how to use my support systems around me. Long before I tossed the word “networking” around as an adult, you had already shown me how to negotiate, network, and make things happen. You were the reason I went into the military, and the same strength and confidence I saw in you is the same strength and confidence I knew I needed to get to the other side of through. Thank you for showing me the ropes.

Rose Mae Smith: Although your life was cut way too short, you, my beautiful Aunt, influenced my journey many years back with the way you sought to learn a little about everything. I really wish I could have shared this story with you because I am sure you had something you would have told me that would have reached even more people. This thing I call ‘the other side of through’ may have been a drop in the bucket for you, as I am sure you had many journeys that (sadly) will never be shared. The dark moments I know you had, I pray are strongly reflected in this story so that light will be shed and expose all that may have kept you bound. I do not know firsthand of any specific journey you may have taken; however, I do know that you were a woman of class, dignity, intellect, and many talents. Those things combined always make the enemy tremble. Rest in peace, my beautiful Aunt. Rest in peace.

Others I would like to thank are (in no particular order): Aaron Harrison, Brandon Shaw, Cassandra Cooks, Yee Hang, Kimberly Morgan, Zelica Johnson, Stacy Smith, Megan Hill-Bonner, Richard Alves, George Antoniou, Joy Champion, Deloris Brown, Marcia Leftwich, Ceresh Perry, Erika Dawson, Christopher and Latrice Holmes, Trena Mitchell, Sharon Mulvey, Christine Sordillo, Maribel Vasquez, and Sylvia Walker.

To my family and friends not mentioned specifically: Thank you for continuing to support me, both personally and professionally.

“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit”

(Romans 15:13, NIV).


“Lord, as I begin my journey to the other side of through, I pray you order my steps. You said in your Word, “The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord” (Psalm 37:23). Lord, sometimes I am not good. I do not always do right. So, as a sinner, I pray you find me worthy through the extended grace and mercy you provide me daily. Lord, my husband left me, and although I have prayed for years that he become the man you called him to be, it wasn’t until after our divorce that it came to fruition. The divorce made me realize I also have a calling on my life. You have called me for such a time as this to pen my story.”

The writing, journaling, praying, and fasting were all steps taken many years ago when I first thought of sharing my story of being a young, married mother. I wanted to share the challenges of day-to-day motherhood and, of course, being a wife. However, over the years, my story evolved into something much different.

The day came when my husband asked me for a divorce after 23 years of marriage. The Other Side of Through seemed like a fitting title for the story I did not know I would write. I found it interesting that God gave me the title YEARS before the fullness of my story actually manifested. I was afraid of the unknown. Fear rode shotgun as I tried to find my footing once again. How was I going to make it on my own?

“Lord, I have never been on a journey of this magnitude. I ask that you keep my thoughts as I write this book and allow the Holy Spirit to flow through my fingers so that the readers will get a revelation and a message from you. I desire to share my testimony that all things really do work together for our good!”

As I write this book, my thoughts travel back in time when I still find there are moments I must fight through the pain, confusion, and depression attached to the memories.

“As I type the last letter in my story, Lord, may it be all that you would have wanted me to share. I pray my journey will be a beacon of light to help others see their way to The Other Side of Through.”



After serving 15 years in the U.S. military and traveling to many places, I have encountered a variety of different cultures and environments. Ironically, it was through my family that I was exposed to the vast differences in people. While others blame discrimination and suppression of a particular sect of people, do not be fooled. Some of those closest to you have more of an influence over your perceptions than you may even realize.

The inspiration for this book came from the many women I have met along life’s journey who look like me…on the INSIDE. While there are, of course, obvious differences on the outside, getting to know women from different cultures has been an amazing experience. I have learned that once we began to discuss current political or social events, our commonalities were revealed. It was through those discussions I learned how alike we were in ways I had never imagined. When it came to the struggles with depression and hopelessness that stemmed from toxic relationships, it was as if I was peering into a mirror. Race, color, and economic status’ light dimmed as each of us recognized the impartiality of our humanness as it related to being a woman in today’s world.

Through this book, it is my hope and prayer that I can meet others in that ‘dark place’ and offer a word of encouragement that will get them through to the other side of what may be a place of misery; a place that sometimes feels like a plane in a holding pattern as they make a critical decision to continue on with this thing called ‘LIFE’.

One of the most depressing times in my life as a Christian was not being able to exercise my faith. Faith has always been my weapon. I did not have to see it to believe it. Then, one day, my faith, hope, and joy tapped out. I found myself in the dark on my bathroom floor, praying for God to come down and manifest Himself to me. The dark is where so many of us experience loss, hurt, and shame. In that moment, I needed to know—without a shadow of a doubt—that all I had ever believed in by way of His Word was true. As I laid on that floor crying, although I did not see God, I felt the presence of another. Actually, it was not just one person; it was three to four women. (I believe they were women, as I felt I was sharing that space with others whose faces I could not see, but whose spirits could relate to my own.) I was comforted. I was not alone. My situation was not limited to me. Revelation came: There were others whom had not shared their story with me, and our meeting place would be in a dark space (not literally, but figuratively) with me leading the charge.

The Word of God says in Psalm 30:5, “Weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.” Although darkness represents night, sometimes the pain and hurt when you are going through have a way of overextending themselves into the day. The good news is that morning is a representation of light, and where light is, darkness cannot share the same space. The two cannot exist together. As such, overcoming your hurt and pain is inevitable; it has to happen! God’s Word does not lie! The situation may not improve immediately (and often not in a timing that is to our liking). In fact, it may get worse. Guess what? How you go through will change you and the way you confront every other trial you will face in life.

As I began to view my situations differently, I encouraged myself, which prompted the pressures ‘of the dark’ to lighten. I understood how pain looked, and when I saw it coming, I prepared myself for it. However, there were others times in my life when I was prayed up and steadfast, yet life had a way of presenting obstacles and challenges in spite of. I found myself feeling like the wind was knocked out of me. I am grateful for the fresh winds of grace and mercy that picked up speed and steadily strengthened! They held me up when I felt faint.

Allow those same winds to go beneath your wings. Allow them to lift your wings and head so that you can soar! Don’t look for grace and mercy in a particular way because they will likely come in forms you were not even expecting.

To God be the GLORY for His grace, loving-kindness, and mercy! Amen.

“I pray that out of His glorious riches, He may strengthen you with power through His Spirit in your inner being…”

(Ephesians 3:16, NIV)





















The days seem to go by quickly when there is so much going on in your life. The old saying, “Time waits for no one”, seems so relevant. After 22 years of marriage and three children, I sacrificed a lot of things in life to be a great role model and to be selfless in giving my children the best ME I could give.

My young adulthood was short-lived, but that was choice I made when I got pregnant at the age of nineteen. Although I was in the military and married to my child’s father, it made for a good news story that we were making it happen. I struggled with learning about who this new me was. Living hundreds of miles—sometimes thousands of miles—away from home and being a young mother brought a lot of pressure to my life.

When I think about how I go through processes and react to situations, I think about how my mind takes me back to when I was a teenager, watching the adults around me go through their situations and deal with their life’s challenges when it came to relationships. I quickly realized that it was a short thought, as it all seemed to be very confusing. Everything was hidden; a secret.

Now, I did understand that personal challenges are not to be put on display and are not everyone’s business; however, toxic relationships are either emotionally or physically abusive. It seems that if there were issues with talk of infidelity or abuse, the discussion or advice was given by someone who did not have the right or skill to address it in a healthy way. With that, I never heard of anyone in my family going to see a therapist or marriage counselor. I believe my family responded to life’s challenges and issues with the best intentions but not necessarily the best judgment. The problem is they were all matters of the heart. Too often, the hurt would get buried and resurface in the form of anger against others—not the person who caused the pain. I believe they were busy trying to be their best and do their best with each of their situations, which sometimes was very entertaining (depending on how deep the wound and who the individual was). It would signal different things to me about me and how they should act or care for their woman. Sometimes, it was like watching a reality show: entertaining but at some point, it quickly turned into “God, help us all!” moments.

Needless to say, watching the women in my family maneuver through their relationships and life’s challenges was confusing. I would soon find out that relationships were not easy and that the women in my family were their best. They did teach me wonderful things about being a good person and how to take care of my family and myself, but I knew nothing and was not prepared to take care of my heart.

Leaving home to go into the military at the age of 19, I considered myself to be smart, disciplined, and determined…but I was not whole. I imagine that is to be expected; however, there was something about me that was broken. I know the word ‘broken’ is rather harsh and signifies some deeper issues and problems but continue reading, and you will find I had internal issues that would cause me not to be true to myself.

It was nothing my family did or did not do for me or to me. Rather, it was a conversation—a dialogue—about relationships and men that either I missed or subconsciously continued in a pattern of behavior.

When others my age ran off and refused to grow up quicker than they needed to, I was the one who said, “No! I am going to commit to this life and this journey. I am going to do this the right way because I have been given this gift, this precious life, and I have to show God that I am grateful.” Well, as I went through this part of my challenging journey, I did not realize that my attempt to be the best mother I could be did not mean I had to lose sight of who I was. I always figured that if I be the best ME, I would be the best sister, the best wife, the best daughter, the best mother, and the best of the best! Trying to be all things to all people can be taxing and draining, to say the least.

Well, that didn’t work because I began to overanalyze each and every situation and facet of my life. I am sure I drove my husband and others crazy with my paranoid behavior of doing “the right thing”. But why did I drive them crazy? In my mind, I was striving to be the best me and maintain a balance of mind, body, and soul. My continued search to be the best me landed me in sultry company; the ones living adulteress lifestyles, getting drunk, and not serving God. Great. I found out I needed to change who I allowed to be in my life.

I thought I had found the best me in a church called “Genesis Church of God in Christ” that was located in Sierra Vista, Arizona. It was there, in a church with about 20 people, that I experienced God like I would never experience Him again: through the Holy Ghost and speaking in tongues. This would be a life-changing spiritual experience because to me, it gave me confirmation that I received evidence I was a child of the Most High and HE thought enough of me to show me His power. He allowed me to speak with Him in a language that, at this point, even I could not interpret.

The more I understood the things of God and established a personal relationship with Him, there grew a disconnect from my husband. Remember: I was trying to be the best me, dedicated mom, wife, and soldier. Why was this thing called “life” not working out for me? The question I still have today is: Why did my quest to become whole and the “best me” cause me to become so paralyzed to the point I did not want to defend the ME I wanted to be? The best me was suppressed by the women whom my husband cheated on me with. With each affair, I compromised who I wanted to become because each time, it took away my self-esteem and confidence. I told myself that each time I forgave him, I was not as important as the marriage and no matter what, the BEST ME would take the high road. I associated being the best me with being patient through unfair treatment by my husband.

That experience I had at church and the conversation I had with God would help me get through each storm.

You must understand that there will be a fight to do your best and be your best. There are a million distractions around us that cause us to lose focus and sight of what God has for us, but I encourage you to keep moving. When life knocks you down, keep getting up.

As I continued traveling to the other side of through, I have learned that the best me is not a “perfect me”. This mindset has allowed me to be whole, have fun, and love who I am right now.


Just how many changes can we go through at one time?

When you give all of yourself to something or someone, it is at that point you become broken. There is nothing left for you to give back to yourself. Thank God, I worked an hour-and-a-half away from home, as I was able to muster up enough energy to put on my happy face and (sadly) enough praise to give God glory for keeping what was left of my mind.

Being broken due to my relationships—and life’s challenges in general—made me wonder how I was able to give 100% of me in so many different areas. When I fell apart, I felt like nothing was going to go right. Where I was once able to balance going to school as a wife, mother, and full-time employee—and oh yeah: serve in church ministry without batting an eye or missing a beat…


This husband of mine just may be cheating, OR my house has flooded, OR maybe all of those things at the same time. Let’s add in the fact that the job I once loved has now become the most boring place on the planet.

Well, on the other side of all that was weighing me down, there was God—waiting to replenish me and restore things NOT back to the way they were, but to put the broken pieces back together to make a new model. The old model withstood the past hurts and experiences, but all that I had been asking for—a better job, a husband that would be a gentleman, and a new home were coming to pass. The scary part of that is I was not willing to let go of the old that made me so miserable because God: I just didn’t add up!

I prayed and cried. I prayed and fasted. Then, I cried lots more, all the while petitioning the Lord to fix this stuff in my life. I think of Abraham when I think of my marriage because Abraham was asked to sacrifice his son and he said, “Yes, Lord.” He did not think of ALL that he had done with and for his son. He did not think about ALL the praying he and his wife, Sarah, did to get that child. Abraham knew his child was a blessing from God, but God was trying to show him more.

I am going to flat out confess: I was scared to let go! I know that God didn’t tell me to sacrifice my husband to show my faithfulness, but He did ask me if I loved my husband more than I loved Him! It is hard to trust the unknown because if it doesn’t turn out how we would have wanted, we then beat ourselves up, pull out a bag, pack it up, and carry it around with us on to the next situation or relationship.

I learned that some things, God did not fix, allow, or trust me with until I showed I really believed Him for it all and that He truly was the Head of my life. Many times, I said, “Lord, you are the Lord of lords and the King of kings. I trust you.” This was normally something I would say as part of a well-said prayer, as it sounded like something I saw in His Word, something I have heard being preached and prayed, or something that sounded good rolling off my tongue.

The sad news is that we say a lot of things such as what we won’t tolerate, but the truth of the matter is we cannot say we stand on God’s Word when we are going through—unless we are tried by the Spirit. If I am still, God will put me back together the way I was intended to be put together so that I can move on to what He has in store for me. This broken state is so sensitive because there are times the flesh wants to do things that are not very Christ-like.

Admittedly, I fell apart when I lost track of who I was as an individual. It’s funny: I was supporting everyone else by encouraging them to be the best person they could be yet I forgot to keep myself relevant. I became a wife, mother, co-worker, daughter, sister…you name it; I had a title for it. The most important title was lost: ME.

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