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Mark’s Pathetic Life

By Melissa Jensen

Copyright 2017, Melissa Jensen Author Australia.

Distributed by Smashwords

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This is my real story as told by me. I will not be holding back on what I do remember. I do, for the first time ever, reveal certain things, these were not easy to write especially one part as I remembered a much happier and simpler time of my life.

Some of what is below, will make some of you very upset and angry, but this is all in the past now, and does not define who I am today, My Apologies but it was how I was raised.

Please be advised that this part is for over 18’s only as it does contain some very erotic moments. I am just letting you know before reading.

I have dedicated this Part to those who are no longer with me now, I do think about you all regularly.

Please Rest In Peace, Until we meet again. I Absolutely Love You All, especially 2 of you.

Seasons here in Australia are as follows:

Summer--December to February

Autumn/Fall--March to May

Winter--June to August

Spring--September to November

Forward

I have changed names and where possible locations to protect the innocent and in some cases not so innocent.

I have been very forthcoming in what I say, especially my personal opinion on one very touchy subject with me.

I have not included any photos or real references to locations, mainly because I may be identified and there are some peeps that I do not wish to have contact with. One of them is Julie, even though that is not her real name, but you will see in this part the reason why we are very much estranged.

Mark’s Pathetic Life will only be until December 1999, Part 2 will be released when I have sold 25,000 of part 1.

Chapter List

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 1

I was born Friday May 28th, 1965 at 11.30am in an Australian Hospital. My Birth name was Mark William Harris.

The day I was born, for reasons never revealed to me, my father was at his job as a Sales Man. He worked for a very well-known Department store at the time. When I had been born, someone from the hospital rang my father’s work to let him know. The Public-Address system went something like this “Attention Staff, Daddy Harris, Your Son has just been born, Congratulations from all the staff here”.

The entire store erupted in applauding, cheering and whistles for dad, he turned very red, saw his Department Manager who said Go. Dad then left and drove up to the Hospital. When he arrived, mum was in her ward nursing me. Mum said Mark meet your daddy, daddy meet your son, he came over and gave me a kiss on the forehead, then kissed mum.

I am unsure as to how long he stayed. Mum and Dad had decided on my name before I was born, Mark for a boy and Julie for a girl, in those days, parents didn’t know the gender of their baby until the baby was born, unlike today where they know long before the baby is born.

The day mum and dad brought me home, as mum was getting out of the car, she tripped and lost her grip on me, resulting in me falling on my head on to concrete. I immediately started screaming and they both picked me up then got in to the car and dad drove back to the Hospital. When they arrived at Casualty, they went in and told a Nurse who took them back straight away and got a Doctor to attend to me. In those days, CT Scans were not around, so there was only X-Rays done on my head and body. I was kept in for observation for several nights, just to make there was nothing wrong.

N.B, It was not until many years later when I was involved in a major MVA that the true damage was revealed.

My Grandparents lived very close to the hospital, so mum and dad decided to stay there, in dads’ old room, just to be close, in case anything happened. Thankfully, though nothing did, and I was given the all-clear several days later to go home.

I do not remember much of the next couple of years, until my sister came along. She was born February 2nd, 1968, she was given the names Julie Maree. I do not remember how I felt about her, but have many times wished that I had hurt her very much then. I will reveal why later in this part.

My earliest memory was starting Primary School February 2nd, 1970. I cried as mum left me at the school. I didn’t want her to leave without me, but she did. I then ran back home and actually beat her and my sister back home. Mum immediately put me back in the car and drove back me to school and took me in to the Principal. I was not allowed to leave the office until I was given permission.

When I was allowed to leave, my Principal held my hand and walked me to my class, I cried all the way there. When we got there, she introduced me to the class and the Teacher partnered me up with a girl named Claire. I went and sat next to her, she said hello to me, but I ignored her. I looked outside for a long time until I heard a smack on the desk, it was the Teacher asking me if I had heard her? I said no, she said ok, everyone is to partner up with the person next to them and complete this project together. I had to partner with Claire, but we got in and started doing our project.

We did work well together and we talked while we did. I found out her Birthday was exactly a month after mine, her parents were on pensions, she loved a well-known music group who had come on to the scene after winning a song contest. When we had finished the project, we decided that we wanted to spend more time together. When the bell rang for play-lunch, we went and found a spot to eat together, then after we would walk back in to the classroom. We continued to partner up in almost everything together, then at lunch-time we sat together again.

I found out that she was the youngest of 4, she had 2 older sisters and a brother. She told me that the closest sister to her was 7 years older, so they didn’t really have much in common. Claire asked me my story, I told her. She was happier that me and my sister were close in age, I said yes, but I’m doubtful we will ever be close, especially as she is a girl and I’m a boy. Claire said yes, but at least you are both closer in age, let’s hope in time you are both really close. I said yes, let’s hope. The bell rang to go back inside. We placed our rubbish in the bin and walked inside to our classroom.

We sat next to each other and it was so hard trying to listen to the Teacher when we were both looking at each other. The Teacher did notice and had me swap seats with another boy. I did scream and argue about moving, but did accept it. I got in and listened to the Teacher and did what was asked of me. I kept stealing a glance towards Claire and had a really strange feeling, at the time, I didn’t know what it was.

When the lunch bell rang, Claire and I grabbed our lunches and went outside to eat together, we were both upset that we couldn’t sit together in class, but could at other times. I told her about the strange feeling I had in class, she asked me what it was? I said I don’t know and even now I still don’t know. Claire said it could have been that we had been separated or something else. I said yes true.

We chatted for the rest of lunch until the bell rang to go back in to class, we held our hands and walked in to together, it felt very right, but very wrong as well. We sat back in our assigned seats and continued to listen to the Teacher and do our work. The bell rang around 3pm, but the Teacher wanted to talk to us both before we left.

We asked what was wrong? She said well for starters, I don’t like that you both hold hands walking to and from class, you are both too young to do that and secondly, I am going to request that one of you gets transferred to another class. We both argued and said we will keep away from each other in class, but we both like holding hands, she said ok then what I suggest is you can hold hands but I will not allow either of you to partner up in anything together for the rest of this term. We said ok thanks, she said ok now go home and be children. We said thank you and grabbed our bags then left. We walked to the front gate where mum was waiting for me, she asked me as to why I was late?

I told her and introduced her to Claire, they both said hello. I asked mum if we could take her home as her sister hasn’t turned up? Mum asked where did she live? Claire told her, mum said that’s ok as that street is on the way home, we said thanks and we both got in to the back. The drive to Claire’s house was short, when we arrived, Claire and I got out and we went inside, while mum got Julie out of the car.

Claire opened her front door and introduced me to her mum, we both said hello and a few seconds later mum came in with Julie, Claire introduced them to each other, she asked if she could show me her room? Her mum said yes, if it’s ok with Mark’s mum, mine said yes, but we need to get home soon, we said ok and went to her room.

I was astounded at how messy her room was, but I was put at ease, she asked me if she could change in front of me? I said yes and covered my eyes, she said ohh that’s sweet but you don’t need to cover your eyes, I said thanks but yes, I do.

Claire then unzipped her uniform and took it off in front of me, I didn’t even have time to react. I got the strange feeling back again when I saw her just wearing panties, she noticed and asked me if I was okay? I said not really as I have just gotten that strange feeling again. Claire asked me what made it happen?

I said well it was seeing you in your panties just now, she said well I have an idea, let’s ask our mums if we can both come back here tomorrow after school and I can try something out. I asked what was it going to be? She said you will find out tomorrow. I said ok, she finished getting changed, then mum called me to let me know it was time to go home. I said okay, we are coming out now. We walked out to the lounge room and said can we ask a question please? Both our mums said yes, Claire then said can Mark come back here after school tomorrow please?

They said yes, but why? I said well we get along so well and we can’t sit together in class, we have some sort of a connection. They said ok yes.

We said neato, and I said goodbye to Claire’s mum then went to the car, I asked mum if we could come pick Claire up in the morning, mum said yes of course, we will be here around 8.30am, I got in to the car and Claire said okay have a great night and I’m so happy we met today, I said yes you too and me too.

Mum started the car and we left, I kept waving goodbye to Claire even after we had lost sight of each other. The drive home was short, when we got home, mum went and unlocked the house. I went inside while she got Julie out of the car, then came inside to start cooking tea. Dad arrived from work not long after, of course Julie started again and said guess who has a girlfriend?

Dad asked who? I said I met a girl who is just a friend, but I wouldn’t call her my girlfriend, dad said oh well at least you met a new friend, whatever she is. I said yes, I just want to see what happens, but of course she is a girl and girls are yucky.

Dad said well you say that now, but in a few years’ time, you will feel differently, mum said most children your age feels the same way, I didn’t like boys when I was your age, but look at me now, I’m happily married to your father, dad said yes, we all change. Mum then said ok tea is ready, we all sat to eat.

Over the next few weeks, Claire and I spent a lot of time together, including me going to her place every afternoon after school, until one afternoon when Claire was getting changed and she noticed that I was quiet, she asked me what was wrong? I said I don’t know, but I watch you get undressed every day and I always feel strange watching you, she said how? I said well you are so lucky to just wear a dress and underpants, but I have to wear a shirt, shorts, underpants and sometimes a singlet, but you only wear those and you are so lucky. Claire said well would you like to try them on? I said are you sure, she said yes, here get undressed and you can see.

I then took all my clothes off while she took her underpants off, I then put her underpants on me, they felt so warm and a little damp. Claire told me that girls wear panties not underpants, I said ok, she helped me fit her panties in place and then helped me put her school dress on.

When she was happy with the look, I looked in the mirror and I couldn’t believe how much of a girl I looked and I started to cry. Claire asked what was wrong? I said well I look better in a dress than I do in boy clothes, but somehow now I know why I have been feeling really strange lately, she said so do you think you are a girl? I said well maybe, as that would explain why I have been feeling strange lately, it does feel nice wearing this dress and your panties, she said yes, then started dressing in my clothes, I asked her what was she doing? She said well I want to see which one I prefer.

When she was dressed, we looked in the mirror and couldn’t help but laugh, then she said ok let’s go and show my mum, I was petrified but said ok and went in to the lounge room to show her mum.

When we got there, her mum looked and asked us what we were doing? Claire said we are just wondering how the other feels all day every day, her mum said ok, well you both really good, but I don’t think you stay that way, Claire asked me mum if she wanted a boy when she pregnant with her. Her mum said well it would have been nice and I did feel that you may have been a boy. Claire said so that explains why I feel more male at times, her mum said yes, but I do love my daughter and as long as you are happy, that’s all that counts.

We both said yes, then Claire’s mum said ok Mark I think you should get changed back in to your boy clothes as your mum will be here soon, we said ok and went back in to Claire’s room for me to begrudgingly got changed back in to my boy clothes. I cried when we got back in to her room.

Claire asked me what was wrong? I said well I have enjoyed the freedom of being a girl and I don’t want to be a boy, she said well yes, I know but if you went out like that, you will be picked on by everyone. I said yes.

I got changed and then put my boy clothes on and we went in to the lounge room to wait for mum and Julie to arrive back.

Claire’s mum could see I was upset and she said that if you went outside dressed like a girl, you will be picked on and maybe worse, you can dress as a girl when you are here, if we are all alone ok. I said yes, thanks. Claire then heard our car pull up and she went outside to greet mum and Julie. They all came back inside a few minutes later, we chatted about a few things, then mum said ok we need to go as I have tea cooking in the oven. I said ok and hugged Claire’s mum and said thank you, then Claire and I walked outside hand in hand, when I got to the car, she gave me a kiss and said thanks, I love you. I said I love you too and got in the car. Mum started the engine and we left, I was waving furiously to Claire.

The drive home was short, but I felt like it had been a life time since I saw Claire and I reflected on our activities of this afternoon, mum could see I was quiet and asked me what was wrong? I said I’m missing Claire, that’s all as we both had lots of fun today. Mum asked what did we do? I said just relaxed and listened to her records, she loves ?????? mum said ok great, I’m so happy. She said you will see her tomorrow morning when I drop you off, I said yes. We had arrived back home and I got out and went inside. Dad was sitting at the table reading his newspaper. I got ready for my bath and mum brought Julie in so we could bathe together, dad came in to watch us and assist. He did help us both wash ourselves, then when we were finished, we got out and dad dried her off while I dried myself off.

I put my pajamas on while dad dressed Julie, then we all went in to the dining room for our tea. We all sat and ate in silence, then afterwards dad asked me how things were going with Claire? I said great, she is really neato and I really like her. Julie said yes like a girlfriend, I punched her and said no, of course mum and dad abused me for hitting Julie. I did apologise to her and checked to make that she was not injured, she wasn’t.

We all sat and watched television for a while, mum did the dishes. After a while, it was bed time for Julie and I, we both went and got in to bed, we shared a room in those days. Mum and Dad tucked us both in and gave us both a kiss, then they closed the door and went to do whatever they did. Julie and I went to sleep fairly quickly.

Over the course of the next few months, I got closer to Claire and I would dress up every day at her place. I hated having to return home as I had to be a boy. I would get jealous each time I would see a girl wearing a dress or being feminine and having her girlfriends. I was too young to understand as to what was going on, although today I now know what I was feeling.

I would spend time with our family over this time as well, of course they were all male cousins and I would get ribbed because I had a sister. I really got so annoyed with them a lot and would end up in massive fights as well. These fights were not just play, they were really serious where blood was spilt regularly.

I of course being the third youngest would always lose and more often end up in Hospital as well, a couple of times an extended stay either because I was left unconscious or the Doctors wanted to keep me in for observation, I was very lucky that I never got any broken bones, all my injuries were scratches or abrasions each time.

I moved to a new school when I was 7 years old, I didn’t want to leave my old school as it meant not seeing Claire every day. I did not settle in there very well, and did become very shy and withdrawn from everybody. My Teachers tried to get me involved in activities and socialising with the other children, especially the boys, but I refused to.

I told them that I wanted to return back to my old school, in those days, the law was you had to attend the closest school to where you resided, something that today does not occur.

When I would visit Claire, she would always cheer me up as usual, she would kiss me and tickle me as well, which I always really enjoyed. I honestly wished that I could just put a dress on and go out as a girl, but of course in those days, it was unheard of to be different. I do not recall hearing much about different peeps growing up until when I was 9 years old.

Mum and I were watching a television show about a Transsexual woman and that was the first time I heard that terminology and I also realised that I was a Transsexual, I told my mum, who said tell your dad. I was very scared to tell him as he was a real Homophobe, being that he had served in the Army.

I continued to cross dress at Claire’s, I did tell her that I knew what the terminology was now, she was happy for me, but because of my father, I didn’t feel safe telling anybody else, not even Julie.

I did enjoy our times dressing together, and it did show me that being a girl was what I really was, but this is back in 1974 and it would have created many problems within not only our family but our neighbourhood.

I was brought up to believe that boys married girls, even though I knew I was a girl, I didn’t like boys, I still liked girls, so apart from battling my inner girl to come out, I was also battling with the fact that I liked girls, I didn’t have access to any literature to explain these feelings. I was basically controlled and brainwashed in to being “Normal”. I knew that I was not. I loved spending time with Claire until the day in 1979 when she broke up with me, being 14 at the time, I did not understand why she did. Of course, I was devastated and refused to socialise with anybody. I had no idea why she broke up with me. I still to this day don’t know why.

I do have my theories; however, I am unable to have them confirmed or denied. I will mention more later about Claire and a chance meeting as well.

When I was 7, my parents decided to give me a model train set for Christmas, which I wanted, this was to reinforce that I was a boy, but as a surprise, my father and all the male neighbours had decided to set it up across the road at the neighbour’s place in their lounge room. When I saw it, I had the widest smile ever on my face and knelt down to start playing, but was promptly told, no, we have to test it first to make it is working fine, I got very upset and angry and walked back home sulking and in a huff. I was unable to play until the New Year, by that time the novelty had worn off and I was no longer interested in playing with it. I did though just to please my parents, and because I was a boy.

In March 1975, my Aunty and 2 cousins were involved in a major car accident, this resulted in my younger cousin dying at the scene, he was younger than me by 5 months, but older than his brother. He had been warned many times to wear his seat belt but he was very complacent and always said nah I’ll be fine.

I will not go in to details here as even though it happened over 40 years ago, it is still very raw for me. We both looked like twins and were often mistaken for twin brothers. His mother was unable to look at me for many years.

January 18th, 1977 was a very sad day for many Western Sydney residents, that day was when the worst Train Disaster in Australia occurred, Granville, which left 83 people deceased. The reason why I mention this is because I was on a train nearby and Granville was the next station, but we got stopped at the previous station, all we were told was that there were track problems ahead and as soon as they are resolved, we will be on our way, we did see Emergency Services travelling at high speed, that way and suddenly saw Helicopters in the sky. We knew that something was up and of course started to bombard the station staff with questions.

After a while, someone high up came and told us that trains will not be going any further until further notice, of course we all wanted to know what happened, all he would say is that a train had come off the tracks and some of the track needs to be repaired. We asked him what was going to happen for us now?

He said we are organising replacement buses, but they will be only stopping at Strathfield then Sydney Central, you can travel back to your station from either without fear of being fined, buses will be in place until the tracks have been fully repaired in the Granville area, we all said ok thanks.

Mum asked Julie and I what we wanted to do now? I wanted to continue in to the city as planned, we had been promised a day in the city during the holidays, but Julie said I want to go back home as I am scared, of course, me being a boy said it is fine, we won’t be going anywhere near the problem, but mum said, no we are going back home.

We were lucky that there was a bus service close by to get us back to the station where our car was parked, we headed to the stop to wait for the bus.

When we arrived home, mum instantly turned the television on and they were showing the scene live, it looked very bad and suddenly the phone rang. Mum answered it, it was dad asking if we were ok and of course, he was upset that she had not answered earlier, she said we only walked back in the door a few minutes ago. I could see that mum was getting upset with him, I started to play up as I knew that was the only to get her off the phone, she said goodbye and hung up.

We spent the rest of the day just watching the television and thankful that our train had been late, if it had been on time, we may have been affected. This is the last I will mention of this tragedy, except to say that the main reason it still affects all these years later, is because my father knew a couple of those killed that day.

Julie, even though she was only 8, wanted to be a chef when she grew up, and asked mum if they could do some baking please? Mum said yes, of course. I continued watching the television and kept them informed about the latest news.

When I turned 15, mum and dad said that they were going to have our side patio filled in and it will become my room. I asked why? They said well because your sister is going in to puberty soon and she needs her own room. I asked why we couldn’t continue to share?

They said because teen brothers and sisters don’t share rooms. I was upset and angry, I almost told dad then that I knew I was a girl, I am so sorry that I didn’t though. The new room was completed within 2 weeks, it helped when I had my Grandfather and Uncle who were both carpenters. I moved in that night.

I became severely depressed and would go for long walks almost every day just to clear my head, these were for several reasons, trying to work out what I had done wrong with Claire for her to break up with me, and also wishing that I had the guts to tell my father I was a girl. Don’t get me wrong, I loved Claire and would have gotten back with her in a heartbeat, but my feminine feelings were very strong as well, these walks helped me a lot.


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