is a small part of our very personal diary, moments of my journey
With Princess at my side I have been growing in
the BDSM lifestyle. The D/s dynamics made our relationship deeper and
BDSM has added so much intensity to our love life.
I like to
think of myself as a Sensual Dom. I not only love taking control of
Princess sexually but also embrace our life together with great and
I also love satisfying the masochist side of
Princess with a mix of pleasure and pain. Princess is my piano and my
compositions are a delicate dance of black BDSM and white Pleasure &
Not every day is a bright or a sunny one though. We
share these lesser moments on our blog too. Such moments not only
make our relation even stronger, it defines who we are and how we
I also hope that our blog helps getting rid of some
misconceptions about D/s and BDSM. I am sure these misapprehensions
There is also a small section dedicated to my
photography and some beautiful poetry written by Princess
Shopping - 2013-09-14
Going on holiday means
packing and getting extra stuff, in my case swimming trunks.
I love to do is looking around for stuff to use for playing and this
time I was well served.
In one of the stores I stumbled over
an article on one of the shelves and it tickled my imagination. They
sell it for 3 bucks and I bought one not because I need it for what
it is intended but for Princess.
Well, for wrapping her up
One evening, months ago, I talked to Princess on the
phone and asked her what she thought about being mummified and then
The idea scared her as she did not see how I could pull off
that one and indeed, using simple bandage seemed at the time rather
tedious, certainly winding it up after playing. I can be lazy at
I forgot all about the idea until yesterday when I
found a spindle with 50 meters of plastic luggage wrapper.
is going to have fun very soon!
Till next week - 2013-09-15
have started packing, based on the weather forecast for the region in
Germany we are going to.
Unfortunately it isn’t that
promising. Overcast most of the week, rain showers during the first 3
days but still 16 to 18°C.
We won't freeze to death :-)
don't mind the weather though.
I am with Princess and that is all
We'll be relaxing the first two days and sightseeing
the rest of the week, spending quality time together.
Internet access in the hotels I booked but I am only taking my Nexus
7 with me so I can occasionally check my mail and surf for
information about where we are staying and what to see and so on.
will not be blogging or follow other blogs. I'm sorry, but I know
you'll understand that I'm dedicating all my time to Princess during
our first holiday together.
See you in a week from now.
care and stay well.
Franco & Princess
Thoughts - September
haven't been writing much this past week, needing the time to catch
up with work after a week away with Princess and Little A. spending
the bigger part of the week with me. Then it occurred to me that I
had to refocus on my relationship with Princess and readjust to a new
situation causing my very short writer's block.
We had a
wonderful week in Germany. Wellness, hiking in the woods, visiting
two interesting cities (Bonn and Cologne) and on Friday evening,
September 20th, we had our 2nd anniversary dinner in Restaurant
Princess was amazed when she saw the Cologne
Cathedral. The Kölner Dom was completed in 1880 and is 144.5
meters (474 ft.) long, 86.5 m (284 ft.) wide and its
towers are approximately 157 m (515 ft.).
had seen it the previous day, from the Drachenfels viewpoint, well
defined at the horizon, miles and miles away.
imagined Cologne being a city with lots of old buildings, not
something new with huge shops and modern buildings. Then I showed her
a postcard, an aerial view of the city
taken around 1945. Like most major German cities Cologne was severely
flattened. But not as destroyed as Dresden though, that bombing was a
shameless action by the Allies putting themselves on the same low
level of humanity as the Nazi's.
I love(d) being in Germany.
The food is good and copious and relatively cheap and we had the
impression Germans are very friendly. The came over asking me if I
needed directions when I barely had my city map unfolded. Speaking a
little German helps and I'm going to learn the language on my own,
just for my pleasure. I had 2 years at school but was demotivated by
Visiting Germany it is also some kind of vengeance.
grew up with a mother who hated the Germans very deep and I really
can understand the reason why except sometimes I found it
unreasonable. I can remember long discussions with her, telling her
that kids and grandchildren could not be held responsible for the
deeds of their fathers or grandfathers.
can still hear her say "Once a German always a German"
waving with that little finger of hers.
My mother, who had
English roots, lost her brother, a member of the White Brigade, the
Belgian Underground, during WW2. Somewhere in 1943 he was taken
prisoner and never came back. Until her death in 2006 my mother never
ceased hoping he would be, one day, knocking at her door.
I am severely digressing.
Princess and I played once, during
our last evening in Germany. Most of the time we were too tired and
just enjoyed delicious rough sex and I was glad I had brought a
matrass protector with me. My poor little Princess has a hard time
trying not to cum very wet or ejaculate and she fails miserably every
time as I know by now which buttons I have to push.
Princess at her house the next day, Saturday 21th. deposed her
luggage in the hallway but didn't enter as I wanted to avoid her kids
and drove back home and fell in a deep black hole, something I had
been fearing for days. However I didn't think it would be that
I now knew what it is living 24 hours 7/7
with Princess and trust me, I would have signed up for it immediately
if I could.
But there is the very harsh reality. Her kids
still dislike me; don't want to get to know me so unfortunately
nothing has changed. Will it ever?
Being invited for supper or
just having a drink with Princess in her garden on a warm summer
evening won’t happen for years. The kids simply rule her house
and I can't help thinking of them as little egocentric beings not
wanting their mother to be happy. I feel powerless and extremely mad
because those kids are deciding how my life should be and there is
nothing I can do about it.
I am at a point where I am wondering if
I could ever even like them, as I like Star. I honest to god don't
think I will ever be able to like them.
It does not help
either that from my point of view we are not progressing anymore but
going backwards. Since September 1st Stella is living on her own with
Star and I am so happy this is working out well for them but I don't
see them as much as I used to do and that makes me very sad as I have
grown very fond of Stella and Star.
Now that Princess and I
don't have to drive Stella back and forward to the Mother/Baby care
unit anymore we have lost that time of being together, easily 4 to 5
hours a week.
With Bo and Are in student rooms Princess has to
drive them to the railway station on Sunday evening at 10 pm so those
evenings at my place are over too.
we had the inevitable fight past Monday evening, on the phone as
always, and as it goes with disputes, they do not tend to bring
solutions. Princess came over the next evening and we talked about my
worries but I did not have the feeling it was helpful in any way.
course I understand Princess. It is a whole different picture for
her. Princess has her life with the kids, only two left now during
the week, and she is busy, at home, at work. She has a lot on her
mind and hands and Princess does not have the time to feel so lonely
like I do.
I on the other hand am alone when I come home from
work and quite frankly I am getting fed up by being isolated. I want
to be part of somebodies life, I don't want half a relation where
everything happens at my place and I am simply excluded from the
other part where I hardly exist.
I would love to be part of a
family. It is something I truly and deeply miss and I have forgotten
how it feels. I have only my two daughters and that's it. No parents,
no uncles or aunts, nephews or nieces, only an estranged sister
Until recently I didn't give a fuck about Easter of
Xmas or even New-year and now, being older (and maybe wiser although
I doubt that) I really want to reconnect with the joy and happiness I
felt when I was a kid.
And I know I won't happen soon.
an hour ago I went to the laundry to fetch my dried clothes and I
have to walk by the back exit of the Cohibar where Princess and I
take our dancing course.
I bumped into this couple that is in our
"Hi, " he said and she just smiled.
" I nodded.
"We didn't see you, " he continued.
am alone, " I said.
He shook his head in understanding, man
to man you know.
"There are plenty of women in there who are
I smiled at him but I am sure it did not reach my
I said hi and went my way.
It is Princess I
Nobody else. Ever.
Please forgive me for nagging but
it felt good spitting my silly frustrations out.
photography - 2013-10-01
is an important part of my life. It is my way to create, to unload
what is on my mind. To tell a story when I'm not in the mood for
When I started this blog I also added a photography
section but after a while I stopped posting fearing people would
visit my blog for images and, while clicking around, would stumble on
erotic content. I started a new blog dedicated to my photography.
didn't work. Maintaining one blog is difficult, keeping two blogs
The photography blog soon became an orphan.
Franco Bolli, is an online
diary of my life and times with Princess and it is only relevant when
I share as much information as I want to. Creativity is an important
part of my life.
decided to give my photography once again a place on this blog as it
is a part of who I am.
Annual fair - 2013-10-01
year during the last weekend of June there is a big fair in our town.
It is fun to walk around and lots of activities are organized.
I went out taking pictures it was raining and this created nice light
effects on the wet streets.
For these shots I used my Olympus
E-PM1 mainly the f1,4 25mm CCTV lens, wide open.
Thoughts - October
have this guy here in my kitchen sawing out the bottom of the cabinet
holding the sink. Every time I wash dishes, and that is not that
often as I live alone most of the time and I eat at work, the lady
who lives downstairs complains.
Soapy water runs down in front of
her kitchen window, happily on the outside.
absolutely nothing to see in my kitchen, everything is dry and so is
Tomorrow I'll have the plumber breaking up the floor
where the pipes go down.
I'm feeling better after I've been
feeling kind of depressed since Princess and I came back from our
A friend of mine whom I wrote extensively about
what was going through my head, thanks for listening Sir, answered me
back that he thought I was suffering from some kind of Dom drop. I've
been surfing around to find more information and he is right. Hell,
even thinking of whipping the love of my love made me sick to my
stomach and I felt so lonely, so abandoned and so afraid for days and
days. We have been talking a lot, Princess and I, about what was
troubling me. We talked by phone, we talked two nights ago before we
fell asleep and Princess came over at noon today, as I don't work on
Yes I feel much and much better know. Thank you,
Princess, for your patience, your ability
to forgive as I used some harsh words, your understanding and your
Stella, Princesses’ daughter, invited us for
dinner this evening and I'm bringing a bottle of Lenotti Soave,
delicious white Italian wine with me. We have something to celebrate
too and I am so proud of Stella as she went for a job interview this
morning and was hired. When I look back, not even a year, she really
has come from very far.
This Saturday is the first of the
month and this means we are going to Antwerp, to the Fetish Café
after we finished our dance lesson of course so we will arrive at
about eleven pm.
I am glad to say I am looking forward to our
second Fetish Lounge Party after I had been very reluctant by the
A couple liked my BDSM photographs I posted on Fetlife and
he is also a photographer and his wife likes Salsa and he asked me if
we could say hi and chat on Saturday.
I love the idea as I have
been hoping to connect with some people into the D/s lifestyle. Just
for talks and drinks of course although he told me he likes to rent
the Fetish Café Dungeon with some other couples who are into
Fetish photography stressing each plays on his own, stressing even
more he and his sub weren't into swinging or anything like
Princess and I are not into that either.
When we were
in Cologne I saw this cute black dress and I in my mind's eye I
immediately imagined it was something that would look great on
Princess. I showed it to her and her first reaction was that it would
not be something I would like her in but I made her try it on.
my god, Princess is just gorgeous in it and she had to admit that
every time I pick some clothes out for her they are keepers. I love
buying dresses and lingerie and shoes for my darling.
be wearing this dress on Saturday when we go to the Fetish Club with,
underneath, black stockings and black pumps and for outside she'll be
wearing her beautiful red coat
Believe me, Princess will be
stunning but then again, she always is.
Back to the Playroom - 2013-10-07
started with a simple and friendly comment on one of the photographs
I have on my Fetlife profile.
I checked the commenter’s
profile and the photographs there appealed to me, certainly those
made in the Antwerp
wrote him, a male Dom of my age, a mail and he replied and I then
replied again and finally he told me he and his wife were going to
the Playroom too and suggested it would be nice if we could meet.
talked about it to Princess and she liked the idea.
be our second visit to the Fetish
Café and we were,
compared to the first time, relaxed about it. Even the fact there
would be more people than the previous time when access to the center
of Antwerp was difficult due to several music manifestations didn’t
After our Salsa lesson we went back home to change
and drove to Antwerp where we arrived around 11 PM. We showed
our membership cards, paid the entrance fee (10€ each) and
Princess was asked if she was wearing black, the dress code, under
her beautiful red coat, something we didn’t appreciate very
much. Later that evening we saw a girl dressed in a very short pink
latex dress showing no undies, and pink is nowhere near black.
checked out the Dungeon first but there was a woman lying on the
ground, crying and sobbing, clearly in subspace, covered with a
fleece and taken care of by two men. It didn’t feel good
watching so we went back to the bar.
A tall, sharply dressed
man, like me in a black shirt and black trousers, detached himself
from the bar and grabbed my hand.
“Franco! Glad you could
make it. Nice meeting you.”
“Hey Pat, how are you?”
I smiled and introduced Princess.
We followed Pat to the bar where
his wife Sun was sitting dressed in almost nothing and clearly
wearing a vaginal jewel, with a nicely crafted gold-colored piece of
metal, about 2 inches, going up her abdomen.
Pat introduced us and
ordered some drinks and we had a very pleasant time talking with
Our new friends left early and we stayed behind waiting
for the Dungeon to be less crowded as I still find it difficult to
start playing when too much people are present. It is not that I am
intimidated but hey, it is only our second time so I prefer taking
We drank a coke at the bar and Princess told
me she had a great time talking with Pat’s wife admitting
feeling a little uncomfortable because the woman had her breasts
“I wonder,” Princess pondered, “if I’m
I smiled and told Princess she was okay,
not to worry, promising her clothing would be more appropriate next
time. To be honest, I overdressed Princess simply because I do not
want her to feel uncomfortable during our first few visits to the
The cellar was filled with chatter and laughter
and I felt great, I felt at ease, hell, I even felt at home amidst
those whom short-sighted people probably would describe as freaks.
And I was with Princess, with the love of my life whom I trust with
Holy cow, am I a lucky bastard!
We slowly drifted,
carried away on this cozy early morning, I guess it must have been
long after midnight, and it felt great and we felt so close to one
another I would not have been surprised if our breathing and heart
beat had matched up.
“It’s time, girl,” I
told Princess taking her hand and guided her to the now deserted
I gently kissed her and helped her get out of her
dress and bra and she felt a little uneasy so I offered to blindfold
After cuffing her and attaching them with carabiners to a
horizontal bar I tackled Princess up until she was somewhat stretched
but still standing steady on her feet. Other Doms let their subs
tiptoe but I did not want to push things to far yet.
caressed Princesses’ body, gently spanking her with my left
hand, switching to the flogger so I could warm up her skin.
I few minutes I started using my whip, stopping after each few blows
to kiss Princess and to touch her quickly moistening pussy through
the soft fabric of her lace panty.
Suddenly there was a
slight, almost undetectable change in her reactions and although
Princess hadn’t used her safe word I felt there was something
I took Princess in my arms and kissed her softly in the
“Please unfasten me and do I quick, I don’t feel
very well,” she whispered and her softly spoken words felt like
icy droplets running down my spine.
Only a few seconds later I had
her freed and grabbed her, feeling how she was almost going through
We sat down and I held Princess in my arms, my heart
racing as mad, my mouth bone-dry, I was so afraid I had done
Boy was my love pale and it took long minutes
before she felt well enough to speak.
Princess sighed, "but I suddenly felt as I was going to faint,
my head spinning as mad."
I calmed her down and helped
"Really, I'm so sorry, I've not been well for a
few days, a virus or so, headache, pain in the stomach."
should have said something, Princess. You scared the shit out of me,"
She smiled and kissed me ever so gently on the
Soon after we left.
It was 2:15 am, Sunday
We arrived at home some 40' later and went to bed and
we made love, intense and rough and after that we fell asleep in each
It was a mixed bag, our second visit and are we
I really don't know.
On several occasions I sensed
Princess felt uneasy.
Fetish Café - from their
scene - 2013-10-08
and I have some catching up to do since we were not able to play past
Saturday in the Fetish Café. Fortunately the love of my life
is feeling better now. I guess it is me who passed the little bug to
her, the one that kept me home from work on Monday.
morning I emailed Princess the rules.
1. Text me some 20’
before you leave.
This gives me a window of 30’ before
Princess arrives so I know when to activate the scene like lighting
candles, preparing the playlist on my iMac and having the remote at
hand. It also gives me time to get dressed.
2. Ring the
Princess has the keys to my apartment and she can let
herself in. This time though I want her to ring the doorbell so I can
open the door and let her step right into the scene I have
3. There is no dress code so come as you
Princess is free to appear in a worn out training or in a
cocktail dress, I really don’t care. I’m pretty sure she
is now wondering why this time I am not stringent about her
Pretty simple and clear don’t you
Princess knows I am probably going to introduce
something new during this scene and it is called shrink foil.
is all I am going to reveal. Princess reads my blog too.
Image found on Internet
New toys, new
pleasure - 2013-10-09
came over to my place yesterday evening. I had prepared a scene and
we played for nearly three hours and it was intense and we both
enjoyed being so very close to one another. I'll try to write about
it this afternoon, if I can that is. Little A. will be here at noon,
after school, and stays with me till Sunday early evening. And I got
two emails from Big A. asking to read and correct the attached
documents, schoolwork, adding she needed them this evening.
bought some new toys for the occasion.
We've been talking
about it for some time and for Princess was not sure if she would
like the feeling or sensations she imagined it would give.
Saturday, at the Fetish Club, we noticed a couple using one but were
unable to detect the sub's reactions.
When I introduced it
yesterday during our playing, Princess was blindfolded; she went out
of her mind and loved the toy instantly as it gives an incredible
deep sensation of pain but also well feeling.
Wartenberg Wheel Of Pain is now a very appreciated toy in my
I remember one of the first times we discussed
playing and BDSM and Princess told me the idea of a clothespin on her
nipples was something she immediately categorized under Sheer Horror
and when I tried it she found it an awful experience.
was more than a year ago and now nipple clamps need to be heavy stuff
before Princess even blinks an eye.
She like them, they give a
completely different sensation compared to Clover Clamps and are more
third toy was not really a toy and completely a-sexual but very
A tie I'll be wearing on my black shirt.
wanted to give Princess the same feeling she will have the next time
we'll be at the Fetish
dressed amidst well-dressed Dominants.
Princess won't be
overdressed for the occasion, au contraire, and she better gets used
to the idea.
Thoughts – October 11, 2013
is really hard finding time to write when Little A. is staying with
me and that is okay. I prefer spending quality time with my youngest
when she is with me rather than juggling with words.
Saturday, I’m going shopping with Little A. With her lovely
smile she asked me to buy her a pullover adding she wanted something
from me she could have with her every day. Isn’t that so very
I’m still contemplating on the scene Princess and
I played Tuesday and you’ll be reading about it very
Princess came over last evening, we talked awhile and
then went to bed and after some intense cuddling we fell asleep close
to each other.
I love it when Princess spends the night with me,
her warm skin against mine feels so good, so comfortable and so
intimate and I feel safe.
My love also wrote a beautiful poem
that took my breath away, it is very intense and so well written.
I’ll be posting it soon, just have to translate it.
I am so
very proud of Princess.
Princess and I also signed up for
RopeStarters on December 6 in the Fetish Café in Antwerp. We
got the confirmation yesterday too.
The schedule of the
21:00u - 22:00u: an elaborate bondage demonstration
addressing different aspects and possibilities about bondage. Every
time there is something else to be seen.
22:00u - 00:00u:
elaborate bondage class: You'll be learning useful and handy basic
techniques, with much attention for safety, all you need to know
about ropes, general safety and some very important principles.
You'll discover what fun things you can do with bondage!
- 01:00u: conducted practice: The techniques you got thought earlier
can be practiced further at your own speed. There is time to ask for
personal advice, so you make sure you use the techniques
01:00u - 02:00u: free practice: Practice your new
skills further, or try something new with it. If you're interested to
get bound, this is possible.
More info on the English site
are so looking forward to this class.
Image found on the Internet
The Butler - 2013-10-14
Cecil Gaines serves eight presidents during his tenure as a butler at
the White House, the civil rights movement, Vietnam, and other major
events affect this man's life, family, and American society.
– source IMDB.COM”
don’t go that often to the movies, Princess and I. Mind you,
not that we don’t want to but our time together is limited to a
few evenings a week and an afternoon once in a blue moon. There is so
much we want to squeeze into our moments together like going to the
sauna, shopping (yes…), our dance lessons, dance training,
reading in bed, playing and so forth.
The last movie we saw in
a theatre was the biopic “Lincoln” and we adored it.
when Princess texted me yesterday afternoon and asked if we could go
to the movies I was thrilled to bits.
Later that evening I picked
Princess up at her home and we went to see “The
Butler” is a typical frame narrative and the personal story of
Mr. Cecil Gaines, a magnificent Forrest Whitaker, is used to tell the
history of racial segregation and the long and slow emancipation of
the Black Citizens in the United States.
The movie starts in 2009
while Mr. Gaines is waiting in the White House and then switches to a
cotton plantation in the 1920s when Gaines is a little boy and ends,
of course, when Barack Obama becomes the first colored President of
Lots of well know historical characters pass in
review, Eisenhower, Kennedy, Reagan et al.
Mr. Nixon, played by
John Cusack, is predictably depicted in a very negative way, Mr.
Reagan seems indifferent to Civil Rights, something I find hard to
To my astonishment Martin Luther King was only a
minor character in the movie and if memory serves me right the name
of George Wallace, one of the hardliner segregationists
and populist and Governor of Alabama, was not even mentioned.
am sure there are some historical inaccuracies in this movie but even
then this is a highly educational film about a dark period in
Sadly segregation, racism and hatred against
those whom are different are of all times. I hold my heart when I see
how around me, in Europe and elsewhere, the extreme right body of
thought is, once again, slowly becoming popular.
is not that well know in my country so I was pleasantly surprised to
discover this grand lady as a great and extremely convincing
Butler” is a wonderful
historical drama and very much worth your time.
Scorpion fly -
don’t want to be pretentious but now and then I make a
photograph that, for some reason, transcends those I generally
Why I don’t know, it is more a subjective feeling than
anything else, and has nothing to do with the fact of the image being
technically perfect or not.
I took this portrait of a scorpion
fly a few months ago with my
E-PM1 and a simple manual
CCTV-lens. This 25mm f1,4 lens is only partially sharp and acts more
like a lensbaby
than a serious lens but in macro mode one can create really beautiful
pictures with it.
When I first saw this photograph on my 27”
iMac screen I fell in love with it simply because it visually pleases
me very much.
I like the lustrous green and patches of bright
light in a world of shadows around the fly with mainly only
the insect sharp and with a very shallow depth of field. The
wide-screen view makes it stand out even more.
I miss you, Princess
by Franco Bolli - 2013-10-21
Those hours so dark.
When the wind
And rain clatters,
A thousand threatening
Against the window
Of my bedroom.
sleep is just
A faraway memory.
And I am
the scary monsters
From a long forgotten
Lying under a blue sky,
Craving for your
Soft rubbing hands
I cannot share with you.
When I want to cry,
And need to
Hide in your
Your comforting words,
When I need you
make me laugh
Thoughts – October 23, 2013
is my free day and I'm sitting here waiting for a guy to show up and
put back the kitchen cupboard under the sink. They took it away a few
weeks ago because there was a leak in the plumbing. Every time
after washing the dishes the chick that lives on the lower story,
just beneath my place, rang my doorbell to complain because the water
was running down over her window, luckily for her on the
Past Monday Princess invited me to our local Cultural
Center for a theater play in favor of the underprivileged. Although
the piece did not transcend the quality of a low-budget school play
it was confronting. Poverty can struck anyone. Job loss, illness, a
bad divorce and when you are alone you are even more
Another problem is the fact that getting credit
for buying that really expensive flat screen TV with that top of the
bill sound system is so easy and it is even easier to forget that
several small and amortize loans make, at the end, one big
Princess had a bad day at work
and was extremely stressed and going out didn't help unwind her
So back home, enjoying a glass of Shiraz, Princess
looked at me and I noticed an almost undetectable hesitation before
she took a deep breath.
"Would you please spank me? I
really need it and it will help me relax. Please?"
smiled, knowing asking this was a big step for my love and took her
in my arms, positioning her over my lap and pulled down her jeans and
panty and gave her a good one. Yes, I know what the love of my life
needed and I enjoyed every single moment giving it to her too. After
a while I stopped and her bum was crimson red and I felt her skin
burn and she smiled and kissed me and crawled in my lap.
found on the Internet
For a while we
sat there, Princess and I and it was such an intimate moment.
once again I felt her hesitate before she addressed me.
Milord, I want more and...", she said.
I waited, stroking
her hair, making her feel comfy.
"And..." she continued
after a while, "please, hurt me hard. I want to feel pain so
I got up and went to our bedroom and got a pair of
nipple clamps and the Wartenberg wheel out of the chest of drawers
where I keep our toys.
Seated in the sofa I pulled her over my
lap again and started with a new session of bare hand spanking, hard
I'm sure the clover clamps hurt as hell
certainly when I used the wheel of pain on her squeezed nipples.
thanked me a zillion times and then, later, in bed, I took her and
made her cum a few times, enjoying how she squirted abundantly
against my thighs and belly.
While she cleaned up in the bathroom
I pulled of the wet covers from our bed, tipped over the mattress and
made the bed with fresh sheets.
We slept close to one another,
Princess and I, yet it took some time before I fell asleep.
been a memorable night as the D/s dynamic between us had slightly
changed in a positive way. I'll be writing about this more
extensively very soon.
This afternoon I upgraded my iMac with
the new OS Mavericks
and everything went very smoothly, no surprises there.
Friday I got an iPhone 4s from work and I immediately upgraded it to
iOS 7.xx but today the thing told me there was a new update and now
the iPhone is running iOS 7.03.
I'll be missing my Acer S500 Android phone
as I find the Android look and feel much more attractive compared to
the iPhone. I spent an hour using Photoshop modifying an Android
background so it would fit the iPhone resolution and added a modest
BDSM logo making it seem as an extra app :-)
Later on Princess is
coming over and I'm looking forward holding her in my arms again.
am not sure yet if we will play or watch a movie although I would
like us playing very much.
In memory of
Lou Reed - 2013-10-27
were at the Salsa dance lesson, Princess and I, and the instructor
had just told the group to take five.
My love and I went back to
our table when I felt my iPhone beep and buzz in my pocket.
smiled at Princess and looked at the display thinking it was a
message from Little A.
Or Big A. for that matter, unfortunately
our relation is not going very well so any sign of life is
Lou Reed died aged 71 it read on the display.
a moment I felt tears burn in my eyes. I gave Princess a hug and felt
so sad. Stupid of course, I never met him, never saw him perform but
his music was important to me.
So thank you Lou Reed, for the
music and the lyrics and I know you made a difference for lots of
Personally I did not appreciate the hard rock 'n roll but
one cannot discuss taste. I loved your
ballads and love songs.
Some of my personal favorites are
Songs For Drella, Coney Island Baby, The Bells and Berlin.
was in a record store and one of my friends, a few years older,
directed my attention to LP Coney Island Baby. He told me the title
song was sheer beauty, something to fuck on, slow and intense. I
looked at him and his words struck a chord but at that time in my
life I could not relate to what he was telling me.
Boy, I was 16,
hadn't a girlfriend and I wouldn't see nor touch naked titties for
years to come.
I still have the record, the friend a long
forgotten memory though but I guess that is how things go in life.
bought the record though and yes, Coney Island Baby, what a record
and what a song. Lou Reed a fascinating discovery.
So here it
Pain by Princess -
A very small door,
And I'm not sure
it has always been there.
Opened it ever so careful.
In the dark behind
You saw a
Needed new breath.
What I feel now,
When You give me
Delicious cocktail of
Pain and gratification.
Too greedy, I’m aware,
As if I have to catch
With so much
Because I can not live
Hear me yearn
So much more.
Your hands on
Petting and caressing
And offering me
Everything I need.
Help me, my Love,
And find You
Time after time after time.
Until there is
At night by Franco Bolli -
It is so
In my bedroom.
Close to me,
Nourish my heart.
When I am
A dispute -
few days ago Princess and I had a terrible row and it was, for the
first time, at my place. Those who follow my blog know what it was
about, those who are new, well, I started the quarrel, as always, and
it is about her kids.
And to be honest the arguments almost
always emerge after me spending time with Big A., my daughter. She
does not want me to get hurt and she knows I have been in a previous
relation. So when we meet, Big A. and I, she likes to point out the
fact that the life of Princess and I is played only at my place and
that her 4 kids, 3 girls and one boy do not want me to enter their
home. It is their safe haven and the place the want to keep pristine,
a mausoleum in their father's honor. It is a place where I am not
I started by respecting their point of view but now,
after more than 2 years, they still don't talk to me, leave the room
when I briefly enter to pick up their mom or turn their backs on me.
They have no idea who I am, what I stand for. They don't know
me at all yet they have decided that I must be treated as a
non-human, someone who does not merit any respect at all.
after two years of being not wanted and being humiliated I feel, and
I am aware this statement may be a little over the top, as a black
man who is not allowed in a public place because of his skin
Today I cannot discuss my feelings about this with
Princess without losing myself in sheer madness that feeds with
frustration and despair. And when I am mad I kill with words, I do
not fight fair. Thus I say things that deep inside I don't mean but
hurt the opponent as hell.
I cannot put all this in
perspective anymore and I agreed to Princesses'
proposal and accept counseling.
It will be the first time I will
be doing this and I am not sure I like the idea. Fuck, falling on my
knees for a few egocentric kids who think that mourning exempts them
of being respectful and being a true and understanding human
Are and Bo are 19 and 20 and intellectuals and University
students. I am sure it would have made a huge difference if they
would have told me, hey, we are happy our mom found someone who makes
her happy but we are not ready to accept you. Please give us
For me this would have made big difference.
help, this counseling thing?
I hope so. When I drive over to
Princesses' place to pick her up I feel extremely stressed and uneasy
and I ask myself the same question over and over: will I ever feel at
home at her place when we finally get to live together? Can I
overcome these feelings her kids gave me and in the years to come
still open my heart to them?
All by all it is sometimes rather
I arrive at Princesses' house and ring
the bell and count to ten before opening the door so her kids have
plenty of time to leave the room. I then enter in some Marie Celeste
kind of environment. Study books open on table and a kid's program on
television and a PlayStation on the sofa, and one can feel the huge
living room has been abandoned in a big hurry.
Princess hugs me
and then, suddenly Stella comes running out of the kitchen and hugs
me too, smiling and pushing Star in my arms.
Three likes, 4 times
a dislike but those weigh the most.
this blog post I have been texting with Stella too.
She asked me
if I could take her shopping next Wednesday and if I cared for a
McDonald's at the same occasion. Sorry but no can do I answered. My
car is in the garage the whole day for maintenance and I proposed
Stella also wanted to confirm our dinner date as
Princess and I invited her at my place and we both are going to cook
for her eldest daughter.
I am looking forward to this evening.
Stella is a wonderful, courageous and caring person and I like her as
much as my own daughters.
Thoughts - November 1st, 2013
and I spend our Halloween evening quietly at home with some excellent
Shiraz and a movie. Where we live this feast day has not yet the
impact or meaning as it has in, for example, the United
Because of Halloween however I proposed The
Conjuring and she liked it
very much although Princess is not into horror movies.
to bed, made passionate and rough love as we always do and I gave her
a serious portion of whipping, bringing Princess just to the edge of
a powerful orgasm. Back in bed I continued petting and stroking her
until she go into a series of intense orgasms, sinking in some deep
trance after having squirted a few times.
I held her in my
arms for a while and then moved her to the other side of the bed,
covering her before I changed the sheets and turned over one of the
two matrasses as I very often forget to use a protective sheet.
we woke up the next morning it was November 1st and for Princess this
means a very emotional day as her kids wanted to visit their father's
grave and they have still a very hard time processing their grief.
told Princess I would keep a very low profile, promising her not to
text nor to phone her so the kids would not be reminded in any way
that I exist.
It's just a question of respect towards them so I
didn't mind being He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named.
Before I brought
Princess home we made love again resulting in changing the sheets and
turning over the matrass and Princess taking the sheets with her to
On my way back I passed some cemeteries and
everywhere all-dressed up people were getting out of cars with
flowers in their hands.
I went for a walk in the woods, the sun
was shining and it was not that cold and I made some close-ups from
half rotten seeds and flowers.
Suddenly it occurred to me I
have no one to visit anymore.
The graves of my father and
grandmother are long gone. A year after my mother died my sister and
I scattered her ashes in a nearby river, it was her last wish. My
grandfather's grave still exists though. It is perpetual because he
was a World War I veteran but I visited his burial place only a few
So here I am with almost no remaining relatives.
I have my two daughters of course and a sister from whom I am
estranged. We haven't seen each other in years and I only text her
once a year for her birthday. She does too.
No uncles, aunts,
nephews, nieces or other relatives that I am aware of.
never bothered me, having no (big) family. I like to be on my own yet
now that I am getting older I am more and more aware of the fact that
I am the only guardian of my past, of my personal history and
There is nobody to tell me long forgotten anecdotes
about my father, my mother or my parents as a couple or old stuff
from when I was a kid.
No one to show me old and fading
photographs, pointing out somebody, on a rainy evening when I'm
visiting and I have no one to check with when I'm not sure if a
memory that emerges happened the way I think it did.
It is on
days like this that I feel so very alone, abandoned even. This mood
passes very quickly though and there are of course much worse things
On a day like this November 1st I miss having a
family. I feel like a young child that misses the cozy warmth and the
protection of a womb.
It has become a memory, these happy
feelings, as one day I will be a memory too.
Today I cherish
Princess even more as she is the only person that understands me and
accepts me the way I am.
Princess is my family.
Princess... by Franco Bolli
Me, my love,
As an unexpected
Flash of blinding
A raging storm
Over the scorched
Land I used to
Bringing me back to
So very nourishing,
The dark clouds
You give me
You and Me by Franco Bolli - 2013-11-07 19:25
Out of tiny diamonds,
Are all the
We share and spend
Each of them
You and I
A safe haven
For one another.
A wonderful place
Grow and enrich
Hand in hand.
In love and
A common future
Our only destiny
Thoughts - November 9th, 2013
haven't a clue why but the past few weeks have been horrendous when
it came to commuter traffic. My best guess would be because the hour
changed the last weekend of October (-1 hour), the abundantly falling
rain, falling leaves and idiots who think having winter tires on
their SUV's makes them even more invulnerable for aquaplaning or
On a normal day it takes some 45' minutes to
drive the 60 kilometers between home and work, varying with +15' max
on Monday mornings or Friday evenings. Lately though the average time
for one trip has been an hour and more with 3 hours as my new
Yesterday I had a full day of training at
work. In the morning I attended the yearly follow-up training I need
so I can keep my certification as Red Cross
First Aid with CPR (cardiopulmonary resuscitation) and AED (automated
external defibrillator). The afternoon was reserved for some very
fascinating psychosocial stuff. I am one of the three confidants in
once again I took me 2 hours to arrive at home, yesterday evening,
with traffic jams everywhere, even on the smaller roads.
the trip back home I used my iPhone and the Hipstamatic
app to make some images. These images were slightly post processed
in Lightroom (contrast adjustment, -100 for highlights, +100
for shadows, set of white and black point and +20 for clarity).
have been mostly writing poetry these past few weeks although I have
some other stuff I would like to write about but I need to find the
time to do so. On the other hand I must admit I've spend some
evenings watching the Harry Potter series and today I started with
the Twilight Saga.
This Saturday evening Princess and I are
once again attending Salsa dance class and maybe we'll stay in the
Cohibar afterwards, like we did last week, or maybe we'll go home and
watch a movie.
I'm taking the day off from work next Tuesday
so I have a long weekend and that day Princess has a free day too and
we are going to spend it together. Boy I am looking forward to
These are the images I took yesterday while driving
and a traffic jam
Letter for Princess - 2013-11-11
is not that often that I write you a letter. When I do, on those rare
occasions, just to surprise you, I prefer to use regular mail.
rustling paper in my notebook, the engraved Waterman you gave me for
our 1st anniversary in my hand, drawing letters on the white surface,
shaping words and creating sentences is an intense process. Folding
the letter and sliding it in an envelope, licking the gum with the
tip of my tongue, a small piece of my body you know so well, ending
with writing down your address and adding a stamp is so much pleasure
because I can already imagine the sparkles of joy in your eyes when
you find it in your mailbox.
over to the post office and offer the letter to the grumpy clerk
while I whisper 'from me for you, my love' and then remainder of the
process is beyond my control.
Why should I write you? We
already talk a lot with no secrets and with respect for each
We talk on the phone while every nerve in my body aches
for your touch and I close my eyes imagining your respiration
stroking my skin feeding my desire for you.
We talk after our
intense lovemaking when the smell of our love and the even more
passionate and rough sex still hovers around us.
And we talk on so
many other occasions and sometimes we don't need words but is what we
want to say simply contained within our touches and kisses. Or in a
During the last weekend of April 2007 I took my
two daughters on a weekend, my first visit to the Opal Coast in
France. I did not know at that time I would return as often as I did
and that this beautiful coastline would be such an inspiration for my
My daughters didn't particularly like the
weekend because it was cold and we were all very nervous. For Little
and Big A. it was a new experience, on a trip with their freshly
divorced father, a completely new situation for them. I just wanted
to do my very best and on such occasions you simply seem to do
What I remember very well was the epiphany
that was waiting for me at the Opal Coast, one that would become a
theme in the photographs I made there over the years.
Wow, this hill, a high cliff, a landmark and topped by an
obelisk struck me deep and I knew, when I first saw it from a
distance, that it had magical powers. I knew it would have a meaning
in my future life.
At so many occasions I sat at its foot and
felt it resonating, touching me, telling me that it was patiently
waiting for the most important moment of my life.
morning, a few years later, I arrived at this cliff and the top was
hidden in dense fog.
Arriving at the top there was a sudden blast
of wind, dispersing the mist and sunlight stroke the obelisk. It was
awesome, beautiful and unforgettable and it will linger in my
memories as long as I live. A moment of joy but then it noticed I was
alone and slowly mist crept in again.
I should have known by
then what it was waiting for, Cap Blanc Nez; so patient, and so sure
because that moment was already born in the past.
waiting for its king.
Our first weekend Princess, did we have
Of course I took you to the Opal Coast, it was
written in the rocks the obelisk was built on.
Maybe it was even
written down before you or I where even born.
Of course I
showed you, Princess, Cap Blanc Nez and I heard the monument, build
to commemorate the Dover Patrol which kept the Channel free from
U-boats during World War I, hum and sing with joy and approval when
we approached it, hand in hand, our hearts filled with love and
Yes, it knew.
And suddenly I knew it too, my
a couple of years from now, Princess, I will take you to the Opal
Coast again and we will walk to the top of this cliff.
I hope it
will be a sunny day, warm and gold colored as our love.
look over the Channel and maybe we will see the vague contours of the
I will kiss you and hold your hand, kneeling in
front of you. Yes my love, I am old school.
Hell, I can already
imagine your smile, the flickering in your eyes and your playful
I am not sure I will be able to pop the
question without being emotional but that is not that important.
day, Princess, I hope you will do me the incredible honor of being my
I love you so much, so unconditionally and you have
become a part of my existence.
I trust you with my life.
Princess, are the best thing that has ever happened to
Voyeurism - Exhibitionism
: a person
who gets sexual pleasure from secretly watching other people have
: a person who likes seeing and talking or writing about
something that is considered to be private
One of the things I
love when Princess and I are in the Antwerp Fetish Café during
the Fetish Lounge Parties is watching other people play.
fascinating to observe other Dom's playing with their slaves or subs,
undressing them, the whipping, the spanking, the moaning and hands
sliding between obviously wet thighs.
Sitting at the bar and
peeking at a Dom whose sub is sitting on her knees giving Him head is
arousing and visually overwhelming.
There is no real sex though,
in the Fetish Café and with that I mean fucking.
That is a
pity because I enjoy watching people have sex. It is yummy eye
I find it extremely exciting and it is a powerful visual
drug too; one I crave on as a starving vampire yearning for
Fortunately Princess finds this also very stimulating.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
perversion in which sexual gratification is obtained from the
indecent exposure of one's genitals (as to a stranger)
act of such exposure
the act or practice of behaving so as to attract attention to
I have less experience with this part but I am very
sure I would enjoy people observing us, Princess and I, while we are
playing or having sex.
When we go to the Antwerp Fetish Café
one of my pleasures is having Princess dressed very sexy and later on
undressing her while she is tied to something. I love showing the
beauty of her body.
I'm not sure about Princesses' feelings
but I guess she would also find pleasure in being watched.
be clear though. I do not want Princess to be touched, even by the
gasp of a masturbating male spectator.
Well, to be honest, I
would not mind, in a controlled environment, you know, trust and so
on, Princess experimenting with a woman. It has nothing to do with
sexism, this woman/woman idea. I just don't want Princess to be
touched by another man, as in my mind it is a completely different
For the record, I do not want to be touched either. Not
by a man. Not by another woman.
My body, mind, soul and spirit
belong only to Princess and I would cherish the idea to be the sole
owner of her body.
My most intense fantasy would be seeing
Princess kiss a lady. I imagine it being a long and intense dance of
yearning tongues, hands caressing aching skin and nipples hardening,
longing for the touch of a tongue or squeezing fingers.
downloaded a photo yesterday, found it on Tumbler but have no idea
whom the author is.
This image visually impacted me very much
and inspired me writing this blog post.
a few hours I will experience another first and boy have I been
looking forward to this one. Stella and Star will arrive at my
place with Princess, Stella's mom and they will attend dinner at my
Stella started this as Princess and I had the
pleasure of dining at her place a few months ago as a simple thank
you for our efforts regarding Stella and her little baby daughter. It
was a first for Stella too, as she had started a new and
independent life with her little daughter after some 9 months in '4',
the mother/baby care unit.
I am so happy to be able to write that,
with some little and inevitable glitches, Stella is doing very well
and she is even working. I am extremely proud of her, she has come
from very far.
I have made menu cards and I would
not be who I am without a wink for Princess. As accompanying
photograph I have opted for a landscape photograph of Cap Blanc Nez I
made a few years ago. For those who follow my blog know this will be
the place where, in a few years from now, I'll propose to
A. and M. started dating a month after Princess and I started our
history and their relation is at least hot-blooded and I can't keep
track anymore if my firstborn is still with M. or not.
noblesse oblige, I am Big A.'s father and she should be invited first
but those who follow my blog also know my relation with my first born
is at least very hot-tempered.
So Stella will be the first one
to dine at Princess and my place and she deserves it. Even in her
most difficult moments Stella took the time to open her heart for me
and she gave me an extremely valuable present: her trust and that I
I've made fresh vegetable soup followed by French
beans, fried potatoes and a pepper steak and I've chosen for Quay
Princess has put something in my fridge as dessert
but I overcame my curiosity thus have no idea what to expect.