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This is a part of our very personal diary, moments of my journey with Princess.

With Princess at my side I have been growing in the BDSM lifestyle. The D/s dynamics made our relationship deeper and BDSM has added so much intensity to our love life.

I like to think of myself as a Sensual Dom. I not only love taking control of Princess sexually but also embrace our life together with great and intense passion.

I also love satisfying the masochist side of Princess with a mix of pleasure and pain. Princess is my piano and my compositions are a delicate dance of black BDSM and white Pleasure & Love keys.

Not every day is a bright or a sunny one though. We share these lesser moments on our blog too. Such moments not only make our relation even stronger, it defines who we are and how we react.

I also hope that our blog helps getting rid of some misconceptions about D/s and BDSM. I am sure these misapprehensio
ns do exist.

There is also a section dedicated to my photography and some beautiful poetry written by Princess.

Shopping – September 14, 2013

Going on holiday means packing and getting extra stuff, in my case swimming trunks.

What I love to do is looking around for stuff to use for playing and this time I was well served.

In one of the stores I stumbled over an article on one of the shelves and it tickled my imagination. They sell it for 3 bucks and I bought one not because I need it for what it is intended but for Princess.

Well, for wrapping her up that is.

One evening, months ago, I talked to Princess on the phone and asked her what she thought about being mummified and then used.
The idea scared her as she did not see how I could pull off that one and indeed, using simple bandage seemed at the time rather tedious, certainly winding it up after playing. I can be lazy at times.

I forgot all about the idea until yesterday when I found a spindle with 50 meters of plastic luggage wrapper.

Someone is going to have fun very soon!

Till next week – September 15, 2013

I have started packing, based on the weather forecast for the region in Germany we are going to.

Unfortunately it isn’t that promising. Overcast most of the week, rain showers during the first 3 days but still 16 to 18°C.
We won't freeze to death :-)

I don't mind the weather though.
I am with Princess and that is all that matters.
We'll be relaxing the first two days and sightseeing the rest of the week, spending quality time together.

We have Internet access in the hotels I booked but I am only taking my Nexus 7 with me so I can occasionally check my mail and surf for information about where we are staying and what to see and so on.

I will not be blogging or follow other blogs. I'm sorry, but I know you'll understand that I'm dedicating all my time to Princess during our first holiday together.

See you in a week from now.
Take care and stay well.

Franco & Princess

Thoughts - September 29, 2013

I haven't been writing much this past week, needing the time to catch up with work after a week away with Princess and Little A. spending the bigger part of the week with me. Then it occurred to me that I had to refocus on my relationship with Princess and readjust to a new situation causing my very short writer's block.

We had a wonderful week in Germany. Wellness, hiking in the woods, visiting two interesting cities (Bonn and Cologne) and on Friday evening, September 20th, we had our 2nd anniversary dinner in Restaurant Shokudo.

Princess was amazed when she saw the Cologne Cathedral. The Kölner Dom was completed in 1880 and is 144.5 meters (474 ft.) long, 86.5 m (284 ft.) wide and its towers are approximately 157 m (515 ft.).

We had seen it the previous day, from the Drachenfels viewpoint, well defined at the horizon, miles and miles away.

Princess imagined Cologne being a city with lots of old buildings, not something new with huge shops and modern buildings. Then I showed her a postcard, an aerial view of the city taken around 1945. Like most major German cities Cologne was severely flattened. But not as destroyed as Dresden though, that bombing was a shameless action by the Allies putting themselves on the same low level of humanity as the Nazi's.

I love(d) being in Germany. The food is good and copious and relatively cheap and we had the impression Germans are very friendly. The came over asking me if I needed directions when I barely had my city map unfolded. Speaking a little German helps and I'm going to learn the language on my own, just for my pleasure. I had 2 years at school but was demotivated by my mum.

Visiting Germany it is also some kind of vengeance.
I grew up with a mother who hated the Germans very deep and I really can understand the reason why except sometimes I found it unreasonable. I can remember long discussions with her, telling her that kids and grandchildren could not be held responsible for the deeds of their fathers or grandfathers.

I can still hear her say "Once a German always a German" waving with that little finger of hers.

My mother, who had English roots, lost her brother, a member of the White Brigade, the Belgian Underground, during WW2. Somewhere in 1943 he was taken prisoner and never came back. Until her death in 2006 my mother never ceased hoping he would be, one day, knocking at her door.

But I am digressing.

Princess and I played once, during our last evening in Germany. Most of the time we were too tired and just enjoyed delicious rough sex and I was glad I had brought a matrass protector with me. My poor little Princess has a hard time trying not to cum very wet or ejaculate and she fails miserably every time as I know by now which buttons I have to push.

I dropped Princess at her house the next day, Saturday 21th. deposed her luggage in the hallway but didn't enter as I wanted to avoid her kids and drove back home and fell in a deep black hole, something I had been fearing for days. However I didn't think it would be that bad.

I now knew what it is living 24 hours 7/7 with Princess and trust me, I would have signed up for it immediately if I could.

But there is the very harsh reality. Her kids still dislike me; don't want to get to know me so unfortunately nothing has changed. Will it ever?

Being invited for supper or just having a drink with Princess in her garden on a warm summer evening won’t happen for years. The kids simply rule her house and I can't help thinking of them as little egocentric beings not wanting their mother to be happy. I feel powerless and extremely mad because those kids are deciding how my life should be and there is nothing I can do about it.
I am at a point where I am wondering if I could ever even like them, as I like Star. I honest to god don't think I will ever be able to like them.

It does not help either that from my point of view we are not progressing anymore but going backwards. Since September 1st Stella is living on her own with Star and I am so happy this is working out well for them but I don't see them as much as I used to do and that makes me very sad as I have grown very fond of Stella and Star.

Now that Princess and I don't have to drive Stella back and forward to the Mother/Baby care unit anymore we have lost that time of being together, easily 4 to 5 hours a week.
With Bo and Are in student rooms Princess has to drive them to the railway station on Sunday evening at 10 pm so those evenings at my place are over too.

So we had the inevitable fight past Monday evening, on the phone as always, and as it goes with disputes, they do not tend to bring solutions. Princess came over the next evening and we talked about my worries but I did not have the feeling it was helpful in any way.

Of course I understand Princess. It is a whole different picture for her. Princess has her life with the kids, only two left now during the week, and she is busy, at home, at work. She has a lot on her mind and hands and Princess does not have the time to feel so lonely like I do.

I on the other hand am alone when I come home from work and quite frankly I am getting fed up by being isolated. I want to be part of somebodies life, I don't want half a relation where everything happens at my place and I am simply excluded from the other part where I hardly exist.

I would love to be part of a family. It is something I truly and deeply miss and I have forgotten how it feels. I have only my two daughters and that's it. No parents, no uncles or aunts, nephews or nieces, only an estranged sister somewhere.

Until recently I didn't give a fuck about Easter of
Christmas or even New-year and now, being older (and maybe wiser although I doubt that) I really want to reconnect with the joy and happiness I felt when I was a kid.
And I know I won't happen soon.

Only an hour ago I went to the laundry to fetch my dried clothes and I have to walk by the back exit of the Cohibar where Princess and I take our dancing course.
I bumped into this couple that is in our group.
"Hi, " he said and she just smiled.
"Hi, " I nodded.
"We didn't see you, "he continued.
"I am alone, " I said.
He shook his head in understanding, man to man you know.
"There are plenty of women in there who are alone too."
I smiled at him but I am sure it did not reach my eyes.
I said hi and went my way.

It is Princess I want.
Nobody else. Ever.

Please forgive me for nagging but it felt good spitting my silly frustrations out.

Back to photography – October 1, 2013

Photography is an important part of my life. It is my way to create, to unload what is on my mind. To tell a story when I'm not in the mood for writing.

When I started this blog I also added a photography section but after a while I stopped posting fearing people would visit my blog for images and, while clicking around, would stumble on erotic content. I started a new blog dedicated to my photography.

It didn't work. Maintaining one blog is difficult, keeping two blogs even tougher.
The photography blog soon became an orphan.

This blog,
Sir Franco Bolli, is an online diary of my life and times with Princess and it is only relevant when I share as much information as I want to. Creativity is an important part of my life.

I decided to give my photography once again a place on this blog as it is a part of who I am.


Annual fair – October 1, 2013

Each year during the last weekend of June there is a big fair in our town. It is fun to walk around and lots of activities are organized.

When I went out taking pictures it was raining and this created nice light effects on the wet streets.

For these shots I used my Olympus E-PM1 mainly the f1,4 25mm CCTV lens, wide open.


Thoughts - October 2, 2013

I have this guy here in my kitchen sawing out the bottom of the cabinet holding the sink. Every time I wash dishes, and that is not that often as I live alone most of the time and I eat at work, the lady who lives downstairs complains.
Soapy water runs down in front of her kitchen window, happily on the outside.

There is absolutely nothing to see in my kitchen, everything is dry and so is the wall.
Tomorrow I'll have the plumber breaking up the floor where the pipes go down.

I'm feeling better after I've been feeling kind of depressed since Princess and I came back from our first holiday.

A friend of mine whom I wrote extensively about what was going through my head, thanks for listening Sir, answered me back that he thought I was suffering from some kind of Dom drop. I've been surfing around to find more information and he is right. Hell, even thinking of whipping the love of my love made me sick to my stomach and I felt so lonely, so abandoned and so afraid for days and days. We have been talking a lot, Princess and I, about what was troubling me. We talked by phone, we talked two nights ago before we fell asleep and Princess came over at noon today, as I don't work on Wednesdays.

Yes I feel much and much better know. Thank you, Princess, for your patience, your ability to forgive as I used some harsh words, your understanding and your love.

Stella, Princesses’ daughter, invited us for dinner this evening and I'm bringing a bottle of Lenotti Soave, delicious white Italian wine with me. We have something to celebrate too and I am so proud of Stella as she went for a job interview this morning and was hired. When I look back, not even a year, she really has come from very far.

This Saturday is the first of the month and this means we are going to Antwerp, to the Fetish
Café after we finished our dance lesson of course so we will arrive at about eleven pm.

I am glad to say I am looking forward to our second Fetish Lounge Party after I had been very reluctant by the idea.
A couple liked my BDSM photographs I posted on Fetlife and he is also a photographer and his wife likes Salsa and he asked me if we could say hi and chat on Saturday.
I love the idea as I have been hoping to connect with some people into the D/s lifestyle. Just for talks and drinks of course although he told me he likes to rent the Fetish Café Dungeon with some other couples who are into Fetish photography stressing each plays on his own, stressing even more he and his sub weren't into swinging or anything like that.
Princess and I are not into that either.

When we were in Cologne I saw this cute black dress and I in my mind's eye I immediately imagined it was something that would look great on Princess. I showed it to her and her first reaction was that it would not be something I would like her in but I made her try it on.

O my god, Princess is just gorgeous in it and she had to admit that every time I pick some clothes out for her they are keepers. I love buying dresses and lingerie and shoes for my darling.

She will be wearing this dress on Saturday when we go to the Fetish Club with, underneath, black stockings and black pumps and for outside she'll be wearing her beautiful red coat.

Believe me, Princess will be stunning but then again, she always is.

Back to the Playroom – October 7, 2013

It started with a simple and friendly comment on one of the photographs I have on my Fetlife profile.
I checked the commenter’s profile and the photographs there appealed to me, certainly those made in the
Antwerp Fetish Cafe.
So I wrote him, a male Dom of my age, a mail and he replied and I then replied again and finally he told me he and his wife were going to the Playroom too and suggested it would be nice if we could meet.
I talked about it to Princess and she liked the idea.

It would be our second visit to the
Fetish Cafe and we were, compared to the first time, relaxed about it. Even the fact there would be more people than the previous time when access to the center of Antwerp was difficult due to several music manifestations didn’t bother us.

After our Salsa lesson we went back home to change and drove to Antwerp where we arrived around 11 PM.  We showed our membership cards, paid the entrance fee (10€ each) and Princess was asked if she was wearing black, the dress code, under her beautiful red coat, something we didn’t appreciate very much. Later that evening we saw a girl dressed in a very short pink latex dress showing no undies, and pink is nowhere near black.

We checked out the Dungeon first but there was a woman lying on the ground, crying and sobbing, clearly in subspace, covered with a fleece and taken care of by two men. It didn’t feel good watching so we went back to the bar.

A tall, sharply dressed man, like me in a black shirt and black trousers, detached himself from the bar and grabbed my hand.
“Franco! Glad you could make it. Nice meeting you.”
“Hey Pat, how are you?” I smiled and introduced Princess.
We followed Pat to the bar where his wife Sun was sitting dressed in almost nothing and clearly wearing a vaginal jewel, with a nicely crafted gold-colored piece of metal, about 2 inches, going up her abdomen.
Pat introduced us and ordered some drinks and we had a very pleasant time talking with them.

Our new friends left early and we stayed behind waiting for the Dungeon to be less crowded as I still find it difficult to start playing when too much people are present. It is not that I am intimidated but hey, it is only our second time so I prefer taking things leisurely.

We drank a coke at the bar and Princess told me she had a great time talking with Pat’s wife admitting feeling a little uncomfortable because the woman had her breasts exposed.
“I wonder,” Princess pondered, “if I’m not overdressed.”
I smiled and told Princess she was okay, not to worry, promising her clothing would be more appropriate next time. To be honest, I overdressed Princess simply because I do not want her to feel uncomfortable during our first few visits to the Fetish Club.

The cellar was filled with chatter and laughter and I felt great, I felt at ease, hell, I even felt at home amidst those whom short-sighted people probably would describe as freaks. And I was with Princess, with the love of my life whom I trust with my life.
Holy cow, am I a lucky bastard!

We slowly drifted, carried away on this cozy early morning, I guess it must have been long after midnight, and it felt great and we felt so close to one another I would not have been surprised if our breathing and heart beat had matched up.

“It’s time, girl,” I told Princess taking her hand and guided her to the now deserted Dungeon.

I gently kissed her and helped her get out of her dress and bra and she felt a little uneasy so I offered to blindfold her.
After cuffing her and attaching them with carabineers to a horizontal bar I tackled Princess up until she was somewhat stretched but still standing steady on her feet. Other Doms let their subs tiptoe but I did not want to push things to far yet.

I caressed Princesses’ body, gently spanking her with my left hand, switching to the flogger so I could warm up her skin.
After I few minutes I started using my whip, stopping after each few blows to kiss Princess and to touch her quickly moistening pussy through the soft fabric of her lace panty.

Suddenly there was a slight, almost undetectable change in her reactions and although Princess hadn’t used her safe word I felt there was something wrong.
I took Princess in my arms and kissed her softly in the neck.
“Please unfasten me and do I quick, I don’t feel very well,” she whispered and her softly spoken words felt like icy droplets running down my spine.
Only a few seconds later I had her freed and grabbed her, feeling how she was almost going through her knees.
We sat down and I held Princess in my arms, my heart racing as mad, and my mouth bone-dry, I was so afraid I had done something wrong.
Boy was my love pale and it took long minutes before she felt well enough to speak.
"I'm sorry," Princess sighed, "but I suddenly felt as I was going to faint, my head spinning as mad."

I calmed her down and helped her dress.
"Really, I'm so sorry, I've not been well for a few days, a virus or so, headache, pain in the stomach."
"You should have said something, Princess. You scared the shit out of me," I replied.
She smiled and kissed me ever so gently on the lips.

Soon after we left.
It was 2:15 am, Sunday morning.

We arrived at home some 40' later and went to bed and we made love, intense and rough and after that we fell asleep in each other's arms.

It was a mixed bag, our second visit and are we going back?
I really don't know.
On several occasions I sensed Princess felt uneasy.
We'll see.

Fetish Cafe - from their website.

Preparing a scene – October 8, 2013

Princess and I have some catching up to do since we were not able to play past Saturday in the Fetish Café. Fortunately the love of my life is feeling better now. I guess it is me who passed the little bug to her, the one that kept me home from work on Monday.

This morning I emailed Princess the rules.

1. Text me some 20’ before you leave.
This gives me a window of 30’ before Princess arrives so I know when to activate the scene like lighting candles, preparing the playlist on my iMac and having the remote at hand. It also gives me time to get dressed.

2. Ring the doorbell.
Princess has the keys to my apartment and she can let herself in. This time though I want her to ring the doorbell so I can open the door and let her step right into the scene I have prepared.

3. There is no dress code so come as you are.
Princess is free to appear in a worn out training or in a cocktail dress, I really don’t care. I’m pretty sure she is now wondering why this time I am not stringent about her clothing.

Pretty simple and clear don’t you agree?

Princess knows I am probably going to introduce something new during this scene and it is called shrink foil.

This is all I am going to reveal. Princess also reads my blog.

New toys, new pleasure – October 9, 2013

Princess came over to my place yesterday evening. I had prepared a scene and we played for nearly three hours and it was intense and we both enjoyed being so very close to one another. I'll try to write about it this afternoon, if I can that is. Little A. will be here at noon, after school, and stays with me till Sunday early evening. And I got two emails from Big A. asking to read and correct the attached documents, schoolwork, adding she needed them this evening.

I bought some new toys for the occasion.

We've been talking about it for some time and for Princess was not sure if she would like the feeling or sensations she imagined it would give.
Past Saturday, at the Fetish Club, we noticed a couple using one but were unable to detect the sub's reactions.

When I introduced it yesterday during our playing, Princess was blindfolded; she went out of her mind and loved the toy instantly as it gives an incredible deep sensation of pain but also well feeling.

The Wartenberg Wheel Of Pain is now a very appreciated toy in my collection.

I remember one of the first times we discussed playing and BDSM and Princess told me the idea of a clothespin on her nipples was something she immediately categorized under Sheer Horror and when I tried it she found it an awful experience.
Well, that was more than a year ago and now nipple clamps need to be heavy stuff before Princess even blinks an eye.
She like them, they give a completely different sensation compared to Clover Clamps and are more painful.

The third toy was not really a toy and completely a-sexual but very effective.
A tie I'll be wearing on my black shirt.

I wanted to give Princess the same feeling she will have the next time we'll be at the
Fetish Cafe.

Barely dressed amidst well-dressed Dominants.

Princess won't be overdressed for the occasion, au contraire, and she better gets used to the idea.

Thoughts – October 11, 2013

It is really hard finding time to write when Little A. is staying with me and that is okay. I prefer spending quality time with my youngest when she is with me rather than juggling with words.

Tomorrow, Saturday, I’m going shopping with Little A. With her lovely smile she asked me to buy her a pullover adding she wanted something from me she could have with her every day. Isn’t that so very cute?

I’m still contemplating on the scene Princess and I played Tuesday and you’ll be reading about it very soon.

Princess came over last evening, we talked awhile and then went to bed and after some intense cuddling we fell asleep close to each other.
I love it when Princess spends the night with me, her warm skin against mine feels so good, so comfortable and so intimate and I feel safe.

My love also wrote a beautiful poem that took my breath away, it is very intense and so well written. I’ll be posting it soon, just have to translate it.
I am so very proud of Princess.

Princess and I also signed up for RopeStarters on December 6 in the Fetish
Café in Antwerp. We got the confirmation yesterday too.

The schedule of the night:

21:00u - 22:00u: an elaborate bondage demonstration addressing different aspects and possibilities about bondage. Every time there is something else to be seen.

22:00u - 00:00u: elaborate bondage class: You'll be learning useful and handy basic techniques, with much attention for safety, all you need to know about ropes, general safety and some very important principles. You'll discover what fun things you can do with bondage!

00:00u - 01:00u: conducted practice: The techniques you got thought earlier can be practiced further at your own speed. There is time to ask for personal advice, so you make sure you use the techniques correctly.

01:00u - 02:00u: free practice: Practice your new skills further, or try something new with it. If you're interested to get bound, this is possible.

We are so looking forward to this class.


The Butler – October 14, 2013

As Cecil Gaines serves eight presidents during his tenure as a butler at the White House, the civil rights movement, Vietnam, and other major events affect this man's life, family, and American society. – source IMDB.COM”

We don’t go that often to the movies, Princess and I. Mind you, not that we don’t want to but our time together is limited to a few evenings a week and an afternoon once in a blue moon. There is so much we want to squeeze into our moments together like going to the sauna, shopping (yes…), our dance lessons, dance training, reading in bed, playing and so forth.

The last movie we saw in a theatre was the biopic “Lincoln” and we adored it.

So when Princess texted me yesterday afternoon and asked if we could go to the movies I was thrilled to bits.
Later that evening I picked Princess up at her home and we went to see “
The Butler”.

“The Butler” is a typical frame narrative and the personal story of Mr. Cecil Gaines, a magnificent Forrest Whitaker, is used to tell the history of racial segregation and the long and slow emancipation of the Black Citizens in the United States.
The movie starts in 2009 while Mr. Gaines is waiting in the White House and then switches to a cotton plantation in the 1920s when Gaines is a little boy and ends, of course, when Barack Obama becomes the first colored President of the USA.

Lots of well know historical characters pass in review, Eisenhower, Kennedy, Reagan et al.
Mr. Nixon, played by John Cusack, is predictably depicted in a very negative way, Mr. Reagan seems indifferent to Civil Rights, something I find hard to believe.

To my astonishment Martin Luther King was only a minor character in the movie and if memory serves me right the name of George Wallace, one of the hardliner
segregationists and populist and Governor of Alabama, was not even mentioned.

I am sure there are some historical inaccuracies in this movie but even then this is a highly educational film about a dark period in American history.
Sadly segregation, racism and hatred against those whom are different are of all times. I hold my heart when I see how around me, in Europe and elsewhere, the extreme right body of thought is, once again, slowly becoming popular.

Oprah Winfrey is not that well know in my country so I was pleasantly surprised to discover this grand lady as a great and extremely convincing actress.

The Butler” is a wonderful historical drama and very much worth your time.

Scorpion fly – October 15, 2013

I don’t want to be pretentious but now and then I make a photograph that, for some reason, transcends those I generally take.
Why I don’t know, it is more a subjective feeling than anything else, and has nothing to do with the fact of the image being technically perfect or not.

I took this portrait of a
scorpion fly a few months ago with my Olympus E-PM1 and a simple manual CCTV-lens. This 25mm f1,4 lens is only partially sharp and acts more like a lensbaby than a serious lens but in macro mode one can create really beautiful pictures with it.

When I first saw this photograph on my 27” iMac screen I fell in love with it simply because it visually pleases me very much.

I like the lustrous green and patches of bright light in a world of shadows around the fly with mainly only the insect sharp and with a very shallow depth of field. The wide-screen view makes it stand out even more.

I miss you, Princess by Franco Bolli - October 21, 2013

I miss you
At night,
Those hours so dark.
When the wind howls,
And rain clatters,
A thousand threatening knuckles
Against the window
Of my bedroom.
When sleep is just
A faraway memory.
And I am
Left alone
With the scary monsters
From a long forgotten

I miss you,
Lying under a blue sky,
Burning sun
On my skin.
Craving for your
Soft rubbing hands
And sunblock.
Intense moments
I cannot share with you.

I miss you,
When I want to cry,
And need to
Hide in your arms.
Longing for
Your comforting words,
And tender gestures.
Feeling protected
And wanted.
When I need you
To make me laugh

Thoughts – October 23, 2013

It is my free day and I'm sitting here waiting for a guy to show up and put back the kitchen cupboard under the sink. They took it away a few weeks ago because there was a leak in the plumbing.  Every time after washing the dishes the chick that lives on the lower story, just beneath my place, rang my doorbell to complain because the water was running down over her window, luckily for her on the outside.

Past Monday Princess invited me to our local Cultural Center for a theater play in favor of the underprivileged. Although the piece did not transcend the quality of a low-budget school play it was confronting. Poverty can struck anyone. Job loss, illness, a bad divorce and when you are alone you are even more vulnerable.

Another problem is the fact that getting credit for buying that really expensive flat screen TV with that top of the bill sound system is so easy and it is even easier to forget that several small and amortize loans make, at the end, one big one.

Princess had a bad day at work and was extremely stressed and going out didn't help unwind her either.

So back home, enjoying a glass of Shiraz, Princess looked at me and I noticed an almost undetectable hesitation before she took a deep breath.

"Would you please spank me? I really need it and it will help me relax. Please?"

I smiled, knowing asking this was a big step for my love and took her in my arms, positioning her over my lap and pulled down her jeans and panty and gave her a good one. Yes, I know what the love of my life needed and I enjoyed every single moment giving it to her too. After a while I stopped and her bum was crimson red and I felt her skin burn and she smiled and kissed me and crawled in my lap.

For a while we sat there, Princess and I and it was such an intimate moment.
And once again I felt her hesitate before she addressed me.
"Please, Milord, I want more and...", she said.

I waited, stroking her hair, making her feel comfy.
"And..." she continued after a while, "please, hurt me hard. I want to feel pain so much."

I got up and went to our bedroom and got a pair of nipple clamps and the Wartenberg wheel out of the chest of drawers where I keep our toys.

Seated in the sofa I pulled her over my lap again and started with a new session of bare hand spanking, hard and relentlessly.
I'm sure the clover clamps hurt as hell certainly when I used the wheel of pain on her squeezed nipples.

Princess thanked me a zillion times and then, later, in bed, I took her and made her cum a few times, enjoying how she squirted abundantly against my thighs and belly.
While she cleaned up in the bathroom I pulled of the wet covers from our bed, tipped over the mattress and made the bed with fresh sheets.
We slept close to one another, Princess and I, yet it took some time before I fell asleep.
It had been a memorable night as the D/s dynamic between us had slightly changed in a positive way.  I'll be writing about this more extensively very soon.

This afternoon I upgraded my iMac with the new OS
Mavericks and everything went very smoothly, no surprises there.

Past Friday I got an iPhone 4s from work and I immediately upgraded it to iOS 7.xx but today the thing told me there was a new update and now the iPhone is running iOS 7.03.

I'll be missing my Acer S500 Android phone as I find the Android look and feel much more attractive compared to the iPhone. I spent an hour using Photoshop modifying an Android background so it would fit the iPhone resolution and added a modest BDSM logo making it seem as an extra app :-)

Later on Princess is coming over and I'm looking forward holding her in my arms again.

I am not sure yet if we will play or watch a movie although I would like us playing very much.

In memory of Lou Reed – October 27, 2013

We were at the Salsa dance lesson, Princess and I, and the instructor had just told the group to take five.
My love and I went back to our table when I felt my iPhone beep and buzz in my pocket.

I smiled at Princess and looked at the display thinking it was a message from Little A.
or Big A. for that matter, unfortunately our relation is not going very well so any sign of life is welcome.

Lou Reed died aged 71 it read on the display.

For a moment I felt tears burn in my eyes. I gave Princess a hug and felt so sad. Stupid of course, I never met him, never saw him perform but his music was important to me.
So thank you Lou Reed, for the music and the lyrics and I know you made a difference for lots of people.
Personally I did not appreciate the hard rock 'n roll but one cannot discuss taste. I loved your ballads and love songs.

Some of my personal favorites are Songs For Drella, Coney Island Baby, The Bells and Berlin.

I was in a record store and one of my friends, a few years older, directed my attention to LP Coney Island Baby. He told me the title song was sheer beauty, something to fuck on, slow and intense. I looked at him and his words struck a chord but at that time in my life I could not relate to what he was telling me.
Boy, I was 16, hadn't a girlfriend and I wouldn't see nor touch naked titles for years to come.
I still have the record, the friend a long forgotten memory though but I guess that is how things go in life.
I bought the record though and yes, Coney Island Baby, what a record and what a song. Lou Reed a fascinating discovery.

Pain by Princess – October 28, 2013

You opened the door,
A very small door,
And I'm not sure
If it has always been there.

You found it,
Opened it ever so careful.
In the dark behind
You saw a tiny flame,
Barely flickering.

This fire desperately
Needed new breath.
It needed
Your gasp.
Making me

I can barely comprehend
What I feel now,
When You give me that
Delicious cocktail of
Pain and gratification.
I drink so greedy,
Too greedy, I’m aware,
As if I have to catch up
With so much
Lost time.

Feed me with pain,
Because I
cannot live
Without anymore.

Drive me mad
With pleasure
And Lust.
Hear me yearn
And beg
For more.
So much more.
Your hands on
My body
Are now my
Vital breath.
Your hands
Petting and caressing
With love.

Your hands
Hurting me,
And offering me
Everything I want.
Everything I need.
Help me, my Love,
Help me lose
And find You
Time after time after time.
I'm yours
Until there is
Nothing more.

At night by Franco Bolli – October 29, 2013

It is so quiet.
Stars outside,
Pale moonlight
Too. Yet
Dark in here,
In my bedroom.

I cannot sleep
Without you
Close to me,
My love.

I need
Your breath,
To fuse
With mine.

My body
Needs your
Warmth to
Nourish my heart.

I miss you
When I am
To dream
About you.

A dispute – November 1, 2013

A few days ago Princess and I had a terrible row and it was, for the first time, at my place. Those who follow my blog know what it was about, those who are new, well, I started the quarrel, as always, and it is about her kids.

And to be honest the arguments almost always emerge after me spending time with Big A., my daughter. She does not want me to get hurt and she knows I have been in a previous relation. So when we meet, Big A. and I, she likes to point out the fact that the life of Princess and I is played only at my place and that her 4 kids, 3 girls and one boy do not want me to enter their home. It is their safe haven and the place the want to keep pristine, a mausoleum in their father's honor. It is a place where I am not welcome.

I started by respecting their point of view but now, after more than 2 years, they still don't talk to me, leave the room when I briefly enter to pick up their mom or turn their backs on me. They have no idea who I am, what I stand for.  They don't know me at all yet they have decided that I must be treated as a non-human, someone who does not merit any respect at all.

So after two years of being not wanted and being humiliated I feel, and I am aware this statement may be a little over the top, as a black man who is not allowed in a public place because of his skin color.

Today I cannot discuss my feelings about this with Princess without losing myself in sheer madness that feeds with frustration and despair. And when I am mad I kill with words, I do not fight fair. Thus I say things that deep inside I don't mean but hurt the opponent as hell.

I cannot put all this in perspective anymore and I agreed to Princesses' proposal and accept counseling.
It will be the first time I will be doing this and I am not sure I like the idea. Fuck, falling on my knees for a few egocentric kids who think that mourning exempts them of being respectful and being a true and understanding human being?
Are and Bo are 19 and 20 and intellectuals and University students. I am sure it would have made a huge difference if they would have told me, hey, we are happy our mom found someone who makes her happy but we are not ready to accept you. Please give us time.
For me this would have made big difference.

Will it help, this counseling thing?
I hope so. When I drive over to Princesses' place to pick her up I feel extremely stressed and uneasy and I ask myself the same question over and over: will I ever feel at home at her place when we finally get to live together? Can I overcome these feelings her kids gave me and in the years to come still open my heart to them?

All by all it is sometimes rather surrealistic though.

I arrive at Princesses' house and ring the bell and count to ten before opening the door so her kids have plenty of time to leave the room. I then enter in some Marie Celeste kind of environment. Study books open on table and a kid's program on television and a PlayStation on the sofa, and one can feel the huge living room has been abandoned in a big hurry.
Princess hugs me and then, suddenly Stella comes running out of the kitchen and hugs me too, smiling and pushing Star in my arms.
Three likes, 4 times a dislike but those weigh the most.

While writing this blog post I have been texting with Stella too.
She asked me if I could take her shopping next Wednesday and if I cared for a McDonald's at the same occasion. Sorry but no can do I answered. My car is in the garage the whole day for maintenance and I proposed another day.

Stella also wanted to confirm our dinner date as Princess and I invited her at my place and we both are going to cook for her eldest daughter.

I am looking forward to this evening. Stella is a wonderful, courageous and caring person and I like her as much as my own daughters.

Thoughts - November 1st, 2013

Princess and I spend our Halloween evening quietly at home with some excellent Shiraz and a movie. Where we live this feast day has not yet the impact or meaning as it has in, for example, the United States.
Because of Halloween however I proposed
The Conjuring and she liked it very much although Princess is not into horror movies.

We went to bed, made passionate and rough love as we always do and I gave her a serious portion of whipping, bringing Princess just to the edge of a powerful orgasm. Back in bed I continued petting and stroking her until she go into a series of intense orgasms, sinking in some deep trance after having squirted a few times.

I held her in my arms for a while and then moved her to the other side of the bed, covering her before I changed the sheets and turned over one of the two matrasses as I very often forget to use a protective sheet.

When we woke up the next morning it was November 1st and for Princess this means a very emotional day as her kids wanted to visit their father's grave and they have still a very hard time processing their grief.

I told Princess I would keep a very low profile, promising her not to text nor to phone her so the kids would not be reminded in any way that I exist.
It's just a question of respect towards them so I didn't mind being He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named.

Before I brought Princess home we made love again resulting in changing the sheets and turning over the matrass and Princess taking the sheets with her to launder them.

On my way back I passed some cemeteries and everywhere all-dressed up people were getting out of cars with flowers in their hands.
I went for a walk in the woods, the sun was shining and it was not that cold and I made some close-ups from half rotten seeds and flowers.

Suddenly it occurred to me I have no one to visit anymore.
The graves of my father and grandmother are long gone. A year after my mother died my sister and I scattered her ashes in a nearby river, it was her last wish. My grandfather's grave still exists though. It is perpetual because he was a World War I veteran but I visited his burial place only a few weeks ago.

So here I am with almost no remaining relatives.  I have my two daughters of course and a sister from whom I am estranged. We haven't seen each other in years and I only text her once a year for her birthday. She does too.
No uncles, aunts, nephews, nieces or other relatives that I am aware of.

It never bothered me, having no (big) family. I like to be on my own yet now that I am getting older I am more and more aware of the fact that I am the only guardian of my past, of my personal history and memories.
There is nobody to tell me long forgotten anecdotes about my father, my mother or my parents as a couple or old stuff from when I was a kid.
No one to show me old and fading photographs, pointing out somebody, on a rainy evening when I'm visiting and I have no one to check with when I'm not sure if a memory that emerges happened the way I think it did.

It is on days like this that I feel so very alone, abandoned even. This mood passes very quickly though and there are of course much worse things to experience.

On a day like this November 1st I miss having a family. I feel like a young child that misses the cozy warmth and the protection of a womb.
It has become a memory, these happy feelings, as one day I will be a memory too.

Today I cherish Princess even more as she is the only person that understands me and accepts me the way I am.
Princess is my family.

Princess... by Franco Bolli – November 5, 2013

You came to
Me, my love,
As an unexpected
Flash of blinding
Lightning alike.

Your love,
A raging storm
Over the scorched
Land I used to be.
Bringing me back to
Life again.

Mild rain,
So very nourishing,
Wiping away
My past.
Gentle wind
The dark clouds
Surrounding me.

You make
Me bloom.
You give me
A future.

You give me

You and Me by Franco Bolli – November 7, 2013

Stunning as
Glimmers born
Out of tiny diamonds,
Are all the moments
We share and spend
Each of them
So very valuable.

You and I are
A safe haven
For one another.
A wonderful place
Where we can
Grow and enrich
Each other.

We now travel
Hand in hand.
In love and trust.
A common future
Our only destiny
And desire.

Thoughts - November 9, 2013

I haven't a clue why but the past few weeks have been horrendous when it came to commuter traffic. My best guess would be because the hour changed the last weekend of October (-1 hour), the abundantly falling rain, falling leaves and idiots who think having winter tires on their SUV's makes them even more invulnerable for aquaplaning or slippery roads.

On a normal day it takes some 45' minutes to drive the 60 kilometers between home and work, varying with +15' max on Monday mornings or Friday evenings. Lately though the average time for one trip has been an hour and more with 3 hours as my new personal record.

Yesterday I had a full day of training at work. In the morning I attended the yearly follow-up training I need so I can keep my certification as Red Cross First Aid with CPR (cardiopulmonary resuscitation) and AED (automated external defibrillator). The afternoon was reserved for some very fascinating psychosocial stuff. I am one of the three confidants in the company.

And once again I took me 2 hours to arrive at home, yesterday evening, with traffic jams everywhere, even on the smaller roads.
During the trip back home I used my iPhone and the
Hipstamatic app to make some images. These images were slightly post processed in Lightroom (contrast adjustment, -100 for highlights, +100 for shadows, set of white and black point and +20 for clarity).

I have been mostly writing poetry these past few weeks although I have some other stuff I would like to write about but I need to find the time to do so. On the other hand I must admit I've spend some evenings watching the Harry Potter series and today I started with the Twilight Saga.

This Saturday evening Princess and I are once again attending Salsa dance class and maybe we'll stay in the Cohibar afterwards, like we did last week, or maybe we'll go home and watch a movie.

I'm taking the day off from work next Tuesday so I have a long weekend and that day Princess has a free day too and we are going to spend it together. Boy I am looking forward to that!

These are the images I took yesterday while driving home.

Letter for Princess – November 11, 2013


It is not that often that I write you a letter. When I do, on those rare occasions, just to surprise you, I prefer to use regular mail.

The rustling paper in my notebook, the engraved Waterman you gave me for our 1st anniversary in my hand, drawing letters on the white surface, shaping words and creating sentences is an intense process. Folding the letter and sliding it in an envelope, licking the gum with the tip of my tongue, a small piece of my body you know so well, ending with writing down your address and adding a stamp is so much pleasure because I can already imagine the sparkles of joy in your eyes when you find it in your mailbox.

I walk over to the post office and offer the letter to the grumpy clerk while I whisper 'from me for you, my love' and then remainder of the process is beyond my control.

Why should I write you? We already talk a lot with no secrets and with respect for each other.

We talk on the phone while every nerve in my body aches for your touch and I close my eyes imagining your respiration stroking my skin feeding my desire for you.
We talk after our intense lovemaking when the smell of our love and the even more passionate and rough sex still hovers around us.
And we talk on so many other occasions and sometimes we don't need words but is what we want to say simply contained within our touches and kisses. Or in a simple gaze.

During the last weekend of April 2007 I took my two daughters on a weekend, my first visit to the Opal Coast in France. I did not know at that time I would return as often as I did and that this beautiful coastline would be such an inspiration for my landscape photography.
My daughters didn't particularly like the weekend because it was cold and we were all very nervous. For Little
A. and Big A. it was a new experience, on a trip with their freshly divorced father, a completely new situation for them. I just wanted to do my very best and on such occasions you simply seem to do everything wrong.

What I remember very well was the epiphany that was waiting for me at the Opal Coast, one that would become a theme in the photographs I made there over the years.
Cap Blanc Nez.

Wow, this hill, a high cliff, a landmark and topped by an obelisk struck me deep and I knew, when I first saw it from a distance, that it had magical powers. I knew it would have a meaning in my future life.

At so many occasions I sat at its foot and felt it resonating, touching me, telling me that it was patiently waiting for the most important moment of my life.

One early morning, a few years later, I arrived at this cliff and the top was hidden in dense fog.
Arriving at the top there was a sudden blast of wind, dispersing the mist and sunlight stroke the obelisk. It was awesome, beautiful and unforgettable and it will linger in my memories as long as I live. A moment of joy but then it noticed I was alone and slowly mist crept in again.

I should have known by then what it was waiting for, Cap Blanc Nez; so patient, and so sure because that moment was already born in the past.
Excalibur waiting for its king.

Our first weekend Princess, did we have another choice?
Of course I took you to the Opal Coast, it was written in the rocks the obelisk was built on.
Maybe it was even written down before you or I where even born.

Of course I showed you, Princess, Cap Blanc Nez and I heard the monument, build to commemorate the Dover Patrol which kept the Channel free from U-boats during World War I, hum and sing with joy and approval when we approached it, hand in hand, our hearts filled with love and caring.
Yes, it knew.

And suddenly I knew it too, my destiny.

In a couple of years from now, Princess, I will take you to the Opal Coast again and we will walk to the top of this cliff.

I hope it will be a sunny day, warm and gold colored as our love.
We will look over the Channel and maybe we will see the vague contours of the Dover cliffs.
I will kiss you and hold your hand, kneeling in front of you. Yes my love, I am old school.
Hell, I can already imagine your smile, the flickering in your eyes and your playful embarrassment.

I am not sure I will be able to pop the question without being emotional but that is not that important.

One day, Princess, I hope you will do me the incredible honor of being my wife.

I love you so much, so unconditionally and you have become a
part of my existence.
I trust you with my life.

You, Princess, are the best thing that has ever happened to me.


Voyeurism - Exhibitionism – November 11, 2013

voy·eur noun \vwä-ˈyər, vȯi-ˈər\

: a person who gets sexual pleasure from secretly watching other people have sex

: a person who likes seeing and talking or writing about something that is considered to be private

One of the things I love when Princess and I are in the Antwerp Fetish Café during the Fetish Lounge Parties is watching other people play.

It is fascinating to observe other Dom's playing with their slaves or subs, undressing them, the whipping, the spanking, the moaning and hands sliding between obviously wet thighs.
Sitting at the bar and peeking at a Dom whose sub is sitting on her knees giving Him head is arousing and visually overwhelming.
There is no real sex though, in the Fetish Café and with that I mean fucking.
That is a pity because I enjoy watching people have sex. It is yummy eye candy.
I find it extremely exciting and it is a powerful visual drug too; one I crave on as a starving vampire yearning for blood.

Fortunately Princess finds this also very stimulating.

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