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“I are…”

the confession of a mastermind or proof of abnormality?

It’s not a mere book!

Dear Reader,

Let’s assume someone as a bathroom singer who knows that he’s not a good singer but still keeps singing all the time because he loves singing.

Then, he gets to know about a platform wherein he can record his songs and release it free of cost, easily and anonymously.

Moreover, regardless of the quality of his voice, his songs will be released worldwide!

Would he not try it?

The good thing, however, about the aforementioned bathroom-singer is that he sings it from his heart.

This poorly-written book is not written by a professional or an aspiring writer but by one of the ‘bedroom-writers’.

An unprofessional writer who loves writing despite knowing the fact that it’s not his cup of tea!

Like singer, this writer too writes from his heart and has his own way of writing.

Nevertheless, the writer wants to be read because he knows his book carries a message.

This badly but honestly written book has not been edited by any professional editor due to the content and intention of the book, which demands originality.

Please ignore the grammatical mistakes, if any.

I’m pretty sure there must be many.

Every incident mentioned in this book is real.

However, date and name of: place, person, college and organisation has been changed.

Name of the cities are changed keeping the sensitive and harsh contents in mind.

Couple of incidents and places have been interchanged.

This ambitious book projects not-so-pleasant side of the corporate world and human nature.

The point of view towards the society or corporate world is my personal view and the same is deeply regretted.

Let’s begin to find out what exactly it is.

Let’s witness an interesting journey…...a journey you’re going to be a part of!

“Satisfaction is the ultimate destination of life. Though the meaning of satisfaction varies person to person, everyone seeks satisfaction and they try to achieve whatever satisfy them. Hence, one’s success and failure cannot be calculated based on money that he’s earned but it can only be calculated by the level of satisfaction that he’s achieved in life. Keep in mind, the real self-satisfaction comes from real deeds.”

“A friend in need is a friend indeed” “A friend indeed is just for a need!” and lights up the ‘joint’ (marijuana rapped in paper/cigarette)

It is 3:00 am.

“Who’s there? Hey you, come out. Who’re you hiding from?”

Frightened Aman wakes up suddenly to find no one in the room!

"Truly said by Harriet Tubman, ‘I freed a thousand slaves! I could have freed a thousand more if only they knew they were slaves!’ Mind you! Losers work in the corporate world and winners own it. No matter what position you are at, if you're not an owner, you're a slave just like me. We're in the same boat. You, being at a better position, are slightly higher level slave than me. For more discussion, I'll see you in the court", warns Aman, an IT employee, to the HR leader of his company!

"I'll be there for you whenever you should need me. I promise.”

  • By: The Mishra (SP)

The Childhood

Chapter 1:

New Delhi; 1985 to 1991

Warning: This chapter may sound like an old Bollywood crap. But this is what it is.

Everyone’s life is like a movie.

Everyone is a hero of his own story.

Aman’s journey too is no less than a movie story.

A story that will remain with you for a long time.

Its mid-night June 15th, 1985.

An ambulance stops in front of the gate.

A staff in white gown opens the ambulance door and takes the stretcher out.

A good looking, well-built man carrying his wife in stretcher rushes to the ambulance.

Entire family and relatives follow them to the hospital.

“Congratulations! It’s twins.” A nurse congratulates the father.

Everyone starts congratulating each other.

A sigh of relief and happiness can be clearly seen on father’s face.

A happy moment for the entire family.

They name them Manav and Aman.

Manav is an hour elder to Aman.

Manav seems quiet and hardly smiles. He seems like an angry baby.

Aman is just opposite. He likes to smile and seems to be a naughty child.

Honesty is in their blood.

Originally from a small town of Bihar, Grandfather, despite being a newspaper owner and having contacts with the decision makers of the country, lives a simple middle class life in New Delhi, which tells the whole story of his honesty.

Out of four, including Manav’s grandfather, who were jailed for their rebellious stands back in 60’s/70’s, three are former top-level ministers.

But Manav’s grandfather doesn’t believe in making politics a profession. He also knows the fact that his honest and straight forward nature doesn’t make him a suitable person for politics.

Moreover, he doesn’t see himself getting involved in all these for mere money and fame. Nevertheless, he’s highly reputed for the same.

At the same time, like most of the families, they too have a mother-in-law-daughter-in-law strained relationship.

But overall it’s a happy and a reputed family where every member knows how to take a stand for their rights.

However, God seems to have some other plans for this family as he decides to take Manav away leaving Aman alone and hurt.

Not only is he hurt but there is a drastic change in this baby!

He has become quiet now and he hardly smiles!

Can a two months old kid feel the trauma?

Probably, he can.

Life is harsh but it goes on.

He joins a boarding school in New Delhi.

He is very close to his mother



There is some cultural events going on at Aman’s school.

The senior boys from 9th and 10th standard are performing on stage and he is watching them from the audience.

“….. we will we will rock you… buddy you’re an old man poor man…… you’ve got mud on your face and it’s a big disgrace…….. Sing it, we’ll-we’ll rock you”

Aman is tapping his feet and seems to be enjoying it thoroughly.

“Have you ever seen the rain…? Someone told me long ago, there’s a calm before the storm…”

One of the seniors from 2nd standard approaches Aman.

He accompanies the senior leaving the concert midway!

The mother, as always, goes to the school to pick Aman up. But she’s surprised to know that he has not been in class after the lunch break!

Worried mother runs to the relative’s house seeking help.

They all start searching the kid, but fail to find him.

A police complaint is lodged.

They return back home with no luck.

To their surprise, they see Aman sitting in front of the door with his bags on, waiting for them.

Mom rushes towards him, kisses him and coos, “Where were you?”

“Mom! I’d gone to watch Amitabh Bachchan with a senior!”

“Amitabh Bachchan? Are you serious? How did you get to know about him? And why didn’t you inform anybody at school?”

“No Mummy! It’s a movie I am talking about. The senior boy told me that he’s going to watch Amitabh’s movie in a theatre. We watched ‘Sharaabi’ (Alcoholic)” replies the kid innocently making everyone laugh.

“There couldn’t have been a better movie for a 6 years old kid. Good job Son”, says the father in a funny tone.

“That senior must have fooled you and asked you to buy him a ticket!” Mom tries to get the information.

“Yes! He did ask me to buy a ticket for him as well but I told him that I don’t have money and instead he should buy me a ticket.”

Smart kid! Relatives laugh and appreciate the kid.

Mom doesn’t think it is funny, “Beta! Only bad boys bunk classes and go to the theatre. You’re a good boy. My son is a good boy. Promise me you won’t repeat it again”, and starts blaming his Dad for all these.

The father takes the kid in his arms, “So, did you like the movie? From next time let me know if you want to watch a movie. We’ll go together. Ok?”

Aman’s grandfather decides to retire and spend rest of his life in his hometown, Bihar, thinking that his son would take care of the business.

However, his son has his own goals.

He doesn’t want to be under the shadow of his father and wants to start his own newspaper.

“I’d rather start my own business. If you can help me financially then it’s good or else I’ll see if I can manage”, vocals Aman’s father.

Aman’s grandmother, a Sanskrit teacher by profession, is the decision maker of the house. She is a strict and egoist lady.

She thinks that it’s the daughter in-law who’s brain-washed her son.

"Get the hell out of my business. Let’s see how you manage! Go and get yourself a name. We don't need you", said angrily the old lady.

“These jewelleries belong to me. Give it to me.” Snatches the purse from daughter in-law’s hand

“When you will have no money to survive, then you will get to know what it takes to build a name, a position.”

Aman watches them quarrel, helplessly.

“He’s my grandson and I don’t want you to ruin his childhood. If you want to suffer, it’s your decision but my grandson will not suffer with you. He’ll come along with us”, orders the grandmother.

They decide to shut down the newspaper and move back to the small town.

They decide to take Aman along with them due to bad financial condition of his father who’s now kicked out of business.

They’re ready to leave.

Granny, holding Aman’s hand and carrying a bag, walks towards the main gate.

Aman wants to stay with his mother.

He probably wants to say something. Listen to him.

Someone please do.

He turns back and looks at his mom, who’s in tears as she waves goodbye, and probably thinks,

“Mom! Please don’t cry”

“I’ll be back soon.”

Chapter 2:

1991 to 1996 Small Town, Bihar

Loud speaker is on: Chalat Musafir Moh liya Moh Liya Re pinjare wali muniya……. …….. ……!! They enter the village in horse and buggy.

“Jhoot bole kauwa kate, kale kauwe se dariyo……..mai maike chali jaungi, tu dekhtey rahiyo!”’……… Aman is enjoying the music on loud speaker.

“B*h*n Ch*d! Bhains hataa raastey se!” shouts the horse-carriage driver.

They cross the market.

“Pranam! Devi ji, Pranam Maalik”, “Devi ji Pranam”, “Paai Laagu Maalik”, villagers greet them.

“What is this crowd for? Why is she acting like this?” asks Aman pointing at a woman who’s surrounded by dozens of people.

“Beta! She’s been possessed by Ghost! And the man with garlands is a ‘Tantrik’ performing his rituals. ” explains the grandmother.

If you want to have a closer look at life then try and spend some time in a village.

You will get to know what ‘Struggle’ is, what the real poverty is. At the same time a village can also teach you unity, value of money, importance of a society and adjustments.

New climate, new lifestyle, couple of new friends, everything is so different! Yet so refreshing.

Aman continues his education in small town.

Joins the same school where grandmother teaches Sanskrit.

Grandma is a very popular personality as she’s among the very few educated lady in and around the town. And not to forget the contacts and reputation that grandfather has earned, which is very rare for small towns.

Altogether, they’ve a different stand in society.

Aman is not able to adopt the village life completely but he’s loving it.

He’s got couple of friends to play with. He enjoys their company.

However, it’s hard for him not to miss his mother as he’s too young to be away from her.

Years pass; one year… two years…

At the other end, his father is still struggling to make a stand.

He starts his own newspaper.

But it is not easy for an honest person to succeed.

Media and journalism is a powerful medium and if used with an intention of making money then it’s a field which can make you super rich. At the same time if you prefer to be honest, neutral and straight forward then this field can give you a lot of respect but unfortunately not the luxurious comfort easily. You got to earn every bread. You got to keep on proving yourself at every stage to the people. You will get no supports from any party or groups. They’ll try to bribe you at every stage.

Like father like son. He too chooses father’s path, i.e. the path of honesty, which ultimately give them the real satisfaction, they believe!

Aman at the same time is growing up away from parents.

Fortunately, he’s the grandparents who take care of every small demands.

Every night grandmother has to tell a story, if not, Aman would refuse to sleep.

“Today I will tell you Ramayana”, she tells the story “…Then Lord Rama marries Goddess Sita…….. And then ….. Raavana kidnaps Sita….. The society starts passing comments on her character…… When Lord Rama sees Sita, he gets to know that Lov and Kush are actually his sons……”

Aman interrupts “But you said he is a God. If Rama was a God then he would have been aware of all these. Why didn’t he recognize his own son?”

Granny explains “Rama was a re-incarnation of Lord Vishnu. He was re-incarnated as a human being with the same emotions, feelings and strengths. Though he was a Lord, he was living a normal human being’s life.”

Aman is confused. Who is God? Does he even exist? Where does he live? “If he’s a God or sent by God then why did he let his own supporters die who were innocent?” The doubts are endless.

“There used to be a bird-trainer. The trainer used to train birds, before setting them free, making sure that they don’t get trapped by any kind of web or hunter. He makes sure every bird remembers what he’s taught them. He teaches them a ‘hymn’ to stay protected from the webs. The birds’ mug up the ‘hymn’. When the trainer is convinced that these birds have thoroughly learnt the hymn and won’t get trapped, he sets them free. The birds fly singing the ‘hymn’ that they have learnt. A shooter hears them singing and thinks it would be difficult to trap these trained birds. However, he makes an effort to give a try. To his surprise, the birds get trapped quite easily! But they still keep singing the ‘hymn’ they’ve learnt.”

Aman laughs at their stupidity.

“Why did you laugh?” asks grandmother.

“What’s the use of learning if they finally got trapped?!”

“Correct! It means, learning itself is not important as long as you don’t implement it. Don’t only learn, implement.” She educates the kid.

“Aman asks really good questions. He seems very bright.” Informs the grandma to her husband.

“Yes, he’s sharp. Let’s hope he doesn’t choose a wrong path.” Says the Grandpa.

“I am sure he’s a smart kid who knows what’s right and what’s not.”

Aman is gradually becoming street-smart. Thanks to the surroundings and the life that he’s lived so far.

“Here I give you a thin piece of wooden stick. Can you break it?” Passes the stick to Aman.

He breaks it quite easily and smiles.

She ties 5 sticks together, “Now break these 5 pieces of sticks joined together. Can you?”

He tries but fails to break it.

“That’s unity” educates the grandmother.

“Keep in mind, you should always stick by your family members and relatives. If you fall apart, it will be easier for others to break you. But if you’re joined together, you will be much stronger.”

He makes a note of it.

While he prefers grandmother for inspiring stories, he spends time with grandfather who gives him wisdom that he’s gained from life and his experience.

“You’ll always get two options or paths to choose from. One would look very easy and attractive and the other would appear highly difficult and discouraging. While the one that appears easy and attractive would welcome you with its arms wide open by rewarding you with money and luxury, the other option would test you at every stage rather than rewarding you initially. Which one would you chose? “Asked grandfather.

“Obviously! The first option. But why would there be second option if it didn’t have any reward? It has to have some rewards, right?” questions curiously.

“Right. Self-satisfaction and self-respects are the rewards you would gain initially. However, if you stick to the same path till the end then you’re sure to achieve your goals. You will surely emerge a winner. But keep in mind, the second path is very difficult which requires a lot of patience, honesty and courage. The first option may give you lot of fame and money but mostly at the cost of self-respect. Now tell me which one would you go for?”

“How would I know if I am on the first path or the second?” asks another question.

The grandpa smiles, “Whenever you realise that life’s been very easy and kind to you and you’re earning everything so easily, stop. Think. Ask yourself “Did I do it right? Am I really happy achieving it? Did I achieve it in a right way? You will get the answer. In contrast, when life gets tougher despite doing everything right, when people around you start discouraging and criticizing you, when you learn to take stand for the rights, when you start finding it difficult to cope up with surroundings thinking you’re honest and hence different, and when you will start noticing fear for you in these people’s eyes, you’re on the right path.”

Aman looks confused as he’s got many questions running in his mind.

The grandfather makes it easier for him and explains “In other words, you can easily earn luxurious life by choosing a wrong path which is greed, crime or corruption. But it’s very hard to earn the same choosing a right path, a path of truth and honesty. But, eventually, second path will give you tremendous self-respects and ultimately take you to the spot which would be out of reach for those who’ve chosen the first path. The length of success, if you chose the first path, is very small in comparison to the second path. Stick to the second path no matter what and you shall get an eternal success”

“I will choose the second option. A path of truth”, Aman replies promptly.

“It’s easy to start and difficult to continue. But dear grandson, keep in mind, the difficulty that you face would be an indication of you being on the right path. So do not panic. Do not get discouraged by criticisms. Rather congratulate yourself and move on. Difficulties give us a proper shape, it makes us stronger and teaches us lessons. Always welcome them with an open heart and a smile. The more difficulty you face the closer you’re to destination. If you give up, you’d be left with only first option and that is the path of greed and corruption. For you to stick to the difficult path you need to be honest, true, dedicated and patient.” He further adds “Honesty will give you the courage. Truth will give you the confidence. Dedication will keep you focused and Patience will give you the success.”

Aman makes a note of this ‘hymn’.

The grandmother is getting ready for school but seems to have misplaced her wrist watch.

As always, Aman is busy finishing his homework at the last moment. He has a pen, made up of bamboo, in his hand and an ink pot in front of him. He seems to be cursive-writing. Part of daily homework to improve handwriting.

“Aman, are you ready for school? Did you see my watch? Help me find it.” She looks at a wall, “Oh! It’s already 15 past 9, I am late for school.”

“Yes, Granny! I am ready. How do you know it’s 9:15 when you don’t have a watch handy?”

“Look at the sunlight’s shadow on the wall. When the shadow touches 11th row of the bricks on the wall, its 9:00 AM, the shadow has just crossed 1/4th of the brick of 11th row, which means it should be around 9:15 AM.”

He finds her the watch and looks at time, its 9:15 AM.

Three years… four years… five years pass.

Sometimes, he also accompanies servant to graze the buffalos and collect grasses from farmlands.

Aman experiences every small to big thing that people in village normally do.

Farming, fishing, swimming, from dealing with thieves to handling cheap mentalities and so on.

He likes to play, like every normal kid does. He plays cricket, Gilli-danda (a sport played in village), marbles, wrestling, playing-cards, chess and every game that’s available in village.

He’s gradually transformed himself into a typical village boy.

"Kabbadi! Kabbadi! Kabbadi!!... .... Kabbadi!” (The opponent tries their best to trap this 11 year old boy but he dodges them quite easily)

Aman’s neighbour, a 60+ year old man, calls him.

“Come here.”

Aman doesn’t like this uncle because he’s a conservative caste-conscious old man.

“Hello uncle”.

The old man first scolds the kids and warns them not to play with him.

“Do you know which caste they belong to? We don’t even let them touch us and you’re playing with them! Go and take bath and dare you play with them again.”

Aman looks at his embarrassed friends.

He replies in anger, “What’s your problem? My grandparents know who my friends are and they don’t have any problem with it. Who’re you to tell me who my friends should be?”

Aman’s voice becomes louder as he gets emotional, “You’re right! I’ll have to take bath but not for playing with them but for talking to you.”

The old man looks dismayed while the kids start laughing at this old man making him more angry and frustrated.

“Kids like him are a big threat to our culture and society.” complains the old man.

Aman doesn’t like any discrimination. Though people around him are very conscious about class and caste, he belongs to a liberal family.

The grandfather believes, “Playing with them doesn’t make you small but to think yourself superior to them does make you small. We’re all the same.”

“But! That uncle told me that they’re poor and lower caste. We shouldn’t be-friend with them! Grandpa, why are they called lower caste? They’re nice and helpful people. I like them.”

Grandfather educates the kid saying “Had there been no insecurities, there wouldn’t exist a society. This society is formed by a bunch of insecure people. These show-offs, discriminations etc. are the result of insecurity. A person is not rich or poor because of his financial condition but because of his thinking. Yes, they’re nice people and that is what makes them rich and upper to us, not their caste.”

“I don’t like this uncle. He behaves badly with poor people. The other day I saw him shouting at our servant for no reason. Why does he behave as if these people are out of the world, some aliens?”

“Satisfaction! Losers try to satisfy themselves by dominating others, pulling others down, proving others inferior and projecting others failure rather than proving self a winner. This uncle, probably, lacks genuine satisfaction, hence, he tries to satisfy himself by dominating others. But, this is not the real satisfaction. Real self-satisfaction comes from real deeds.”

The grandpa asks, “Anyways, you tell me, what satisfies you the most?”


Grandpa smiles, keeps him on his laps and asks, “And what is self-respect?”

“Self-respect for me is being my own hero.” Answers Aman.

Grandpa looks surprised and impressed.

Aman and granny are on the way to school, it’s a walking distance.

Aman sees an old lady staggering due to the heavy weight of baggage.

“Granny! Please take my bag to school, I’ll catch you there. Let me help that lady.”

Granny smiles in appreciation and tells him to help the lady and be at school on time.

He walks to the old lady, takes her baggage and drops it to her house.

“Jeetey raho beta!” (May you live long!), blesses the old lady.

He is in 5th standard now. There is a senior guy from 7th standard who stalks a girl from Aman’s class.

Aman comes to know that a senior is troubling his classmate.

He’s a tall and well-built bad-boy who loves to chew ‘Gutkha’ and wear a ‘Gamchha’ (scarf) around his neck all the time.

“Brother! Please stop chasing her. Or else I’ll complain it to my grandmother” he warns the boy.

The strict teacher that his grandmother is, this senior never dares to stalk her again!


“Who’s there? Hey! Come out. Who’re you hiding from?” Aman shouts at the wee hour while everyone is asleep.

“What happened? Who’re you talking with?” surprised grandmother lights the lantern.

“I’m sorry! I felt someone is there” and sleeps.

The next morning grandmother discusses the incident with his grandfather.

“I am concerned, this is the second time I have seen him in such condition”

“Don’t worry. It’s normal for a kid to get scared.” He tries to convince.

Postman! Postman!!

“Are you there? Your son has sent a letter. Pass me the spectacles please.”

The grandmother runs, I correct, a mother runs happily with spectacles.

“Aman come here. Your Dad has sent a letter.”

It’s a small parcel that has a newspaper and a letter.

Pujyaniya Babuji and Maa 24/03/1997


We’re fine here. Hope you’re doing good.

After going through all the struggles and ups & downs, I am happy to inform you that I am stable now. I’ve sent you a copy of my newspaper. Please let me know if you want to see any improvements. Soon we’ll find a distributor for our town.

Hope to make you proud someday.

My financial condition is stable now and I can take care of Aman.

I’ve admitted him in a school here. His class will start soon.

Please send him to New Delhi.


Your’s Loving


Aman runs towards his granny, holds her hand and weeps;

“I don’t want go. I don’t want to leave you. No. I want to stay here.”

The granny is heart-broken.

“Give me a hug.” Says the old lady and starts sobbing like a baby.

“Please don’t cry. I’ll be back in a month.” Aman tries to console her.

The grandfather, too, is grief-stricken and at a loss of words.

Aman walks to each of them and tries to commiserate.

“Don’t cry! I will stay in touch. I will come to meet you every month. I will write letters to you. I will tell Dad to call you home. We’ll stay together.”

Couple of friends shout from outside, “Aman! Are you home?”

“We’ve a cricket match now. Come out.”

Granny kisses Aman on his forehead and tells him to join his friends.

Aman leaves with them to the playground.

The grieving grandparents try to empathize each other.

“This is our destiny. We knew someday he had to go back.”

“Aman will be much happier with his parents and get a better education now. It’s good for his future.”

Aman is very attached to his grandparents and so are they.

But, as his journey has been, once again, he’s no option but to depart.

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(Pages 1-19 show above.)