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Confessions Of a Man

The Evolution of a Playa


Anthony Gonzalez


Published by In the Trenches

© 2016 Anthony Jae Gonzalez


All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law.


All rights reserved. Except for brief passages: quoted in newspaper, magazine, radio, television or

online reviews, no portion of this book may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or information storage or retrieval system, without the prior written permission of the author.


ISBN: 978-0-9981865-2-8


Cover and page design by Toelke Associates


Photographer: “Live Thru Love”


Proofreaders/Editors:

Denise Moore

Erika Melanie

Sarah Lovell

Table of Contents


Acknowledgements

Prologue

Confession 1

Virgin Island ’83–’84

Confession 2

Bedroom Bully ’91

Be All You Can Be ’96–’97

Confession 3

Clueless ’92

Ready or Not Part One ’93

Confession 4

The Boy Is Mine ’93–’94

Great Adventures ’93 & ‘01

Confession 5

Early Morning Wake Up ’98–’99

False Hope ’04–’05

Confession 6

Blind Date ’00

Icy & Hot

All in the Family

Confession 7

Hit & Run ’00–’01

Can I Have Some? ’06

The Breakdown

Ready or Not Part Two ’04–’05

About the Author

Acknowledgments


They say that it takes a village to raise a child, so with that being said … I’d like to thank my entire village: The Hunter/Newton Family, The Otero/Gonzalez Family, The Roman/Rosario Family, The Ortiz/Velez/Davila/Reyes Family, The Jordan/Gregg Family, all of which play a significant part in my upbringing in one way or another. I wouldn’t be the man that I am if not for my village, love y’all to the death of me and beyond.


I’d also like to thank my Cozine/Workman/Pink Houses & Newlots Brothers and Sisters. Y’all know who y’all are and make no mistake about it I mean brother and sisters literally.


Much thanks goes to my son, Dominic C. Taylor ’cause if not him I wouldn’t have entertained the idea of writing books. The first book I wrote wasn’t this one, it was what I consider a book of enlightenment which was inspired by him. Soon to be released...


A special thanks goes to my Team — aka Family — Denise Moore, Tanya M. Smith, Erika Melanie, Carol Sheffer, and Sarah Lovell. These women each believed enough in me and this book to dedicate themselves to the making of it. If not for them, I can honestly say that this book would have still been in manuscript (hand written) form and somewhere in a manila envelope.


I can’t forget the haters, the fakes, and the snakes ’cause you too played a part in who I’ve become. Thank y’all and rest assured I know who you all are, Smfh/Lmfao... ..


Thanks also goes to all of the females I’ve crossed paths with because you too played a part in the man I’ve become... .


Anthony Jae Gonzalez

Prologue


This book has been put this book together in an informative, yet entertaining, format. It is based on actual events, facts, and emotions that I have experienced. Out of respect, I have altered the names of the people I mention. This book is composed of my innermost feelings and thoughts about my sexual experiences. I do not mean to offend any particular gender and/or race. My apologies go out in advance if I do so.


It took me years to actually understand the renowned word “playa.” A playa has many advantages and disadvantages depending on where one stands in life. My intention is to enlighten people on those advantages and disadvantages from where I stood and now stand. I have come to believe that a true playa is a pimp in training. Also, that a true playa’s love is actually lust. If he claims otherwise, he is simply playing along. Eventually, one will realize they’re playing themselves and stop playing this game if they ever want a chance of having a meaningful relationship with one person. There comes a time when a person must realize that a true playa loves no one but themselves.


Anybody could be considered a playa. By that I mean a playboy, a gigolo, a womanizer, or a john. Even a female can be considered a playa, although it’s not respected due to their gender. Yet, for women, it mainly depends on their habits and actions. Whether one respects the game or not, who decides who’s the playa haters and the playas?


A true playa is in fact up front about his position to avoid any misunderstandings and/or drama. Nobody has the right to claim to be a playa if they are in a relationship. If so, then that so called “playa” isn’t nothing more than a cheater and/or adulteress. There are rules to everything; being a womanizer, playboy, gigolo, pimp, john, or the so called “playa.” Once a person doesn’t follow the rules in any way, they must evaluate their position in the game and in life.


Back then I was left with the wrong impression of what females expected from me. It took a long time before I realized what I was supposed to do, and what I was expected to do in order to have a good woman.

THESE ARE MY CONFESSIONS


Confession 1


My first sexual experience had my nose wide open. I just wanted to have sex every chance I got and I never wanted the relationship to end. The funny thing was that other than the times we were fucking, she acted like I didn’t exist. It fucked me up because when we were together we would have sex every available moment. Outside of the room, I was just a boy she knew from the hood. We both were very young, so I understand why it was a “behind closed doors” relationship. We didn’t have any business being naked like that in the first place, curiosity killed the cat. Things were like that between us for a long time and then one day she was gone. Her family had moved and I felt sick because I didn’t want her to go away.


I really liked Veronica even though she was younger than me. It may just have been lust. I was addicted to her and what she opened my eyes to. I probably would’ve done anything she wanted just for some of her loving. I think the only person who had an idea about us was my uncle. Still, he never explained much to me about what is known as, “The birds and the bees.” I found it all out on my own as I got older and had more sexual experiences with different types of women. This was enlightening. Growing up, I witnessed and heard a lot due to all the hookers that passed through my house, as well as my experiences with Veronica. I believed everything was just about sex. As time went on, my only motive with the females I messed with was sex.


As a kid, I never thought that emotions had to be involved in a relationship in order for it to be meaningful. This idea blew up in my face as the years went on and I tried to figure women out. I came close a few times, got lucky once in a while, but my fingers had more pleasure than me. It soon became evident that getting pussy meant agreeing to a relationship.


I had no problem with that, as long as I got some sex out of it. I could care less what they thought about me because I didn’t have many real feelings for them. I just wanted to fuck and move on. Emotional feelings were never really a factor. My focus was on the feelings I received whenever they provided me with sexual favors. That was the only pleasure I cared for and desired. I would say and/or agree to just about anything just to have sex with a female. There were quite a few that I assumed wanted me to be committed, yet my commitment varied greatly from theirs. Most realized that later down the line when I felt the need to move on to the next female.


I let down these females the same way my first crush let me down. I thought that’s how you were supposed to end relationships. I didn’t know any better and nobody ever told me there was a formal way to do so. At that time, it wasn’t like I cared away. Now, I’ve learned this is absolutely not the case.


I would just leave without saying good-bye. It always seemed that when I did commit, I got let down or was disappointed somehow. So, in my eyes, I was doing the same thing to them because I felt it was only right in all fairness.


Still I had to learn all about women on my own and from others with self-proclaimed knowledge. With all that being said, a playa was born and I began to play along with the playa’s. I followed in the footsteps of those who I thought knew better and only later on down the line did I learn otherwise.


This is all I knew for a long time and that’s how all my female encounters were. I was playing them.


VIRGIN ISLAND 1983-1984


I lost my virginity to a girl named Veronica. I was probably about eleven years old. She was a young, sexy Latina I used to babysit when our parents went out. They frequented the bar and clubs. While they were out partying, we were home alone. Veronica was a year or two younger than me, but her actions and ways would have you believe otherwise. To be completely honest, I truly doubt she was even a virgin at the time. She was far too boy friendly to be inexperienced. She had long, dark black hair, a butterscotch complexion, and some chinky eyes. I can’t forget the fact that she had a pretty smile. One day after school, while our parents were at work, Veronica’s sister asked me if Veronica could stay with me until she finished running some errands. That was like music to my ears. I was quick to say yes and shortly thereafter, Veronica came over.


Our parents weren’t due back home until 5 o’clock that evening. So we took it upon ourselves to play house and since I was already watching my siblings, Veronica and I played the role of parents. I was the husband not thinking I was going to be doing all the “husband” duties. I shared a room with my sister and younger brothers. It was a big two family flat. So it wasn’t hard to find privacy in our house and Veronica being the “mother,” made sure we had privacy to play our little game. She had the other kids do their homework and then watch some T.V., while having me wait for her in the bedroom. She was obviously running the show.


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