Excerpt for Princess and I, The First Years by , available in its entirety at Smashwords

This page may contain adult content. If you are under age 18, or you arrived by accident, please do not read further.







Introduction


This ebook covers the first years of our blog. I started this blog with Wordpress.com and as name francobolli666. I posted my first article on November 16, 2012.


I intended the blog to be about BDSM but over time it became much more. Today Princess and I consider the blog to be our very private and personal diary. Yet with share it with you, dear Readers.


Because quite some Wordpress.com blog were disappearing, shut down, often without any warning, because of the content, I decided in the second half of 2013 to host my blog and be my own boss.


SirFrancoBolli.org was born.


Digital data is evanescent. Compared to the lifespan of digital content paper lives forever.

Recently I decided to print my blog so I can give Princess a real diary, a real book.


I did some research in order to find the appropriate tools to get my blog in a document in order to print it.


I am starting with the content of the ‘old’ blog and what I consider our early years. It was quite easy to get it in a 395 page Word document.

So why not create an eBook too? I would make it available as a free download.


I used BlogBooker.com to convert my blog to a Word document. I then corrected and checked the document for spelling errors. English is not my native language.


I used Calibre, a free program to convert the Word-document to an ePub and Sigil, also freeware, to get the small details right.



Enjoy!





Nipples & clothespins - 2012-11-16



I showed Princess this image.
"Oh no", she gasped, "this must really hurt. My nipples are so sensitive. Never ever do this to me. Please."
"I can't promise", I told her.

A few days later she was standing in front of me.
Naked.
Blindfolded.
Arms tied behind her back.
She was completely helpless.

Very carefully I attached a clothes pin on her nipple, letting it go ever so slow.
Princess sighed, biting her lips.
Then I did the same to her other nipple.
Saw her grimaces but she didn't move nor did she use her safe word.
To top it off I pinched a clothes pin on the tip of her tongue.

"I love you", I whispered in her ear, softly caressing her back, making her feel safe.
"I love you too" she replied and I saw the clothespins wiggle in her mouth.
Then she laid her head on my shoulder and I felt how she was slightly trembling.

Her warm breath in my neck a so delicious feeling.

After a few minutes I freed her.
“Thank you, Milord”, she whispered.
I smiled.


An earring - 2012-11-16


March 20th, 2012
I took Princess out to dinner to celebrate our first 6 months together.
Gave her earrings.

A few days ago.
I drove Princess home, parked on her driveway and got out of my car. In the soft light of a full moon I saw something shining at my feet.

Intrigued I picked it up. It was one of the earrings, half buried in the mud.
I looked at her and she sighed, at the verge of crying.

“I must have lost it when I was looking in my purse for the keys of my home”, she murmured.

“Sure”, I said, mad as hell. “I’ll have to punish you; this is the first jewellery I ever bought you!”
Her beautiful eyes filled with tears.
“I’m so sorry”, she whispered. “I deserve to be punished.”
“What is it worth to you?” I asked.
“Ten”, she timidly answered.
“Okay”, I replied, “you count out loud; one mistake and I start over again.”



I finally gave her 30 hard whips.
Princess thanked me.
I told her it was entirely my pleasure.


Safe, Sane and Consensual - 2012-11-16


In every sex game this words are very important. And I might add trust too.

Ordo Rosarius Equilibrio (ORE), a neofolk and martial industrial music group from Stockholm performs this piece of music.
In its sombre lyrics, Ordo Rosarius Equilibrio combines seemingly incompatible polarities, such as "creation and destruction, dark and light, joy and sorrow, sex and war" often using Christian and specifically Catholic symbols.
BDSM topics are also often featured.

ORE figures on several of my playlists I use when playing scenes with Princess.


Ordo Rosarius Equilibrio - Safe sane and consensual

Ordo Rosarius Equilibrio - I M B E C I L E, My Idiot Lover


Ordo Rosarius Equilibrio - The Misanthropic Polygamist


Ordo Rosarius Equilibrio - Three Is An Orgy, Four Is Forever






Masked Ball - 2012-11-16


One can analyse Eyes Wide Shut in several ways. This movie, Stanley Kubrick's last movie is, for me, an allegory on greed. One always wants more and more and more and finally there are no more kicks, an orgy remains without any orgasm, only an empty feeling remains. And what has one gained? Nothing.

This particular scene I adore and I use it to impress Princess. Soundscapes are very important in the scenes I play with her.

Check the video here http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LgvYfMsKJhE





Looking back - 2012-11-17 12:43



Inspired by a blog post I read this morning I tried to find out what made me become what I am, a Dom.

I had a very happy childhood and I can't remember any fight or even quarrel between my parents. My father worked, my mother stayed at home, it was all very traditional. They were middle-aged and I was born about 8 months after their marriage.

My father was strict but not severe and he fuelled my imagination by telling me stories, encouraging me to read as much as possible and to discover my inner fantasies. Without being presumptuous I guess he made an intellectual out of me.

I remember my mother sitting in her armchair and I, at her feet, 4 years old or so, playing with her legs, enjoying the silky feel of her nylons.
One day I sneaked in their bedroom and in the chest of drawers I found a catalogue of an exposition they had gone to. I must have been 5 or 6 because my sister wasn't born yet.

I leafed through the book with paintings by the Belgian surrealist Paul Delvaux. I saw completely naked women with strange, big and black triangles between their legs. Men sharply dressed in weird settings. It were these dark triangles that tickled my imagination most and that I think it is the reason why I'm more a pussy man than a breast lover.

Nothing else happened and my sexuality developed in a normal way.
Shortly after my 13th birthday my father passed away, aged 64 and it felt as I had been amputated as he was my god, my teacher. The pain losing him has never ever left me.


When I was 16 I saw the French movie The Story of O. I'd seen sex movies before but this film was a revelation and I was really excited about it, reviewing the bondage scenes over and over in my head.

After a few relations I got married at 30, and divorced her 16 years later. The sex had always been good, but it never felt that special to me. With neither of the women I come to think of. It never felt complete; it was never overwhelming, hell, it was just plain boring vanilla sex.

I have a collection of art books about fetish and bondage photography and yet I never added domination in my sex life. It never felt okay, not that I was afraid showing myself as a Dom. None of the ladies inspired me enough to be what I secretly wanted to be.

Then I met L. and boy, she was the one I had been waiting for all of my life. I had finally found my Holy Grail and it had been a very long quest.





Shopping pleasure - 2012-11-17


I love to shop for ordinary everyday stuff, wandering around, letting my fantasy lead me. There is so much one can use to play with.

What did I find today? Well, first I wanted to surprise Princess with a new whip. This I found in our local horse shop.
A small brush and a wooden spatula seemed useful too.
Then I visited a fishing store and bought some weights I will be painting red with nail varnish.

A weight will be attached to a clothespin using elastic bands so they can go up and down. These clothespins will be pinched on Princesses labia and then she can move around the house.









Hurricane - 30 Seconds To Mars - 2012-11-17



I love this music clip as it is crazy and beautiful. Directed by the well know actor Jared Leto who is also the lead singer of the band 30 Seconds To Mars.

You can also enjoy a very brief appearance by photographer Terry Richardson.


Login in Vimeo and check this link 30 Seconds To Mars - Hurricane ( Uncensored)





The discovery of Princess - 2012-11-18


  1. September 6th. 2011.
    My Ex phoned me late that afternoon on my cellular. She couldn't make it to the parent’s evening at the school of my youngest daughter and asked if I would go.
    Sure, I told her. Hell, I didn't have anything planned and it was still better than sitting home alone feeling sorry about myself not having someone in my life.

    At 19:45 I walked leisurely to the school, entered the entrance hall and was offered a glass of Cava that tasted like cow piss, not that I have any experience in that domain.

    Already bored I looked around and then suddenly I saw her. It is so hard to describe what I felt. Like electricity flowing through my body maybe; or as if my heart had been jump started after my sudden death.
    She was a magnet to my eyes and it seemed as every light in the hall was contributing putting her in the spotlight, making her long blonde hair shine like pure gold.
    Without any hesitation every nerve, every cell in my body knew she was the one, that I finally had found my Grail. My journey, my quest had finally come to its end.

    My mouth was dry, my heart beating as mad when I decided to walk up to her and say hi.
    O my god, she is so lovely with that voluptuous blonde hair and her beautiful eyes I want to lose myself in.
    "Hi", I said, stumbling over my words, approaching an unknown woman like that, I would never have done that, this was new, I was driven by an unknown force.
    She smiled at me and we exchanged names and some small talk.
    It turned out she was the mom of one of my daughter's friends.

    I made sure I was in the classroom before she entered, I saw a light hesitation but she came over and sat down next to me. Boy was I nervous, going through the stuff in the desk I was sitting at, pulling out an agenda and reading the name on it.
    This was really uncanny; I was sitting at my daughter's desk.
    I pulled myself together, wrote a small note, slid it in her agenda on the date of the next day.
    Listened to the speeches, exchanged some words with L. and then it was over and we all left the classroom.
    I almost let her go, then, pulling myself together once more I ran for it, saying, stumbling, I would love to see you again.
    Once again she smiled and said yes and 10 minutes later I was on my way home with her telephone number on a small piece of paper burning in my pocket.

    Our anniversary date is September 20th, and that evening I took her to a sushi bar and we talked and talked. We decided to see each other again.

    We made love for the first time 3 weeks later and it was overwhelming, pure, intense and for one reason or another I seemed to be pushing all the right buttons. It was vanilla sex but I had never ever experienced it like this, just pure magic, two people completely connecting, and becoming one as it is supposed to be.

    Months later, during one of our long afternoons of heavy breathing I grabbed her hair violently, pulling and forcing her head away from my mouth, I wanted to look her in the eyes while I was fucking her.

    Her reaction was immediate, she moaned, sighed and almost came. Her eyes closed, a grin in her face I now recognize as total sexual surrender.
    A few weeks later, same reaction when I put my hand on her throat, or later on, using her panties to attach her wrists.

    Slowly our lovemaking evolved to a phase where I dominated every inch of her sexuality, using only my hands, legs and an occasional panty to restrain her, controlling her.

    Finally that evolved too as inflicting pain started dancing with lust. She told me she desired that I would slap her behind. After that I started pinching her nipples. The first time she used her stop word, but now she can stand even clothespins on her nipples, tongue and labia. She is an avid learner.
    She is Princess; my submissive a name that just came up naturally.

    It was only a month or two ago we started really talking about our feelings, the shift in our lovemaking. One of the reasons of the strength of our relationship is the fact that we can freely communicate with each other.
    We both understood we were now engaging in a real S&M relationship adding some bondage.

    Toys were introduced, like a blindfold, leather cuffs and several whips, all different, each responsible for another kind of excruciating pain.
    The feeling I have afterwards, taking care of Princess, holding her, comforting her, telling Princess how much I love her is more intense than my own orgasms. Being her Master, in every sense of the world is so incredible gratifying.

    This morning we talked again, lying in bed, surrounded by the smell of rough and intense lovemaking. The radio controlled egg I had inserted in her made her go berserk.
    She told me she trusted me completely, that I owned her body, her sexuality, that she was committed in pleasuring me.

    She is Princess, with a capital P.
    Yes, with a capital P.
    She gives herself completely but I could not be what I am without her thus in a way Princess is a Master too.

    We are one.
    Princess and I.





The lighthouse - 2012-11-19


The Lighthouse.
Digue Carnot, Boulogne-sur-Mer.





Cap Blanc Nez - 2012-11-19


A famous landmark at the Opal Coast is Cap Blanc Nez, near Calais. On top is an obelisk commemorating the Dover Patrol, which kept the Channel free from U-boats during World War I.
For reasons I cannot explain this place got under my skin. It has something magical, desolate but is also the symbol of a rich history.
When I'm up there I hear James Cagney yelling "Made it, Ma! Top of the world!" (White Heat, 1943).

During our first weekend together I showed Princess around the Opal Coast and of course we visited Cap Blanc Nez.
She knows we won't be returning there for years to come. She doesn't mind though as she already knows that the second time she'll be up there I will propose.

I know Princess will say "Yes" without hesitation nor the need to be whipped. Well, you can't have it all.


Cap Blanc Nez, again - 2012-11-20



This image was made the first time I went to the Opal Coast, a few months after my divorce in 2006 and it was also the first weekend I organized with my two daughters.

Although it was a great weekend it was also very difficult as we hadn't found equilibrium yet in this new situation where my kids had to coop with separated parents and where my time with them was limited to only two weekends a month.





Sand sailing - 2012-11-20



During one of my weekend at the French Opal Coast I visited Hardelot Plage.

It was a deserted beach and I parked my car on a remote parking lot in between the dunes.

There was an old bunker and people were sand sailing. I watched the vehicles fly past for some time and then I set up my tripod and made a composition.

I used a relatively slow shutter speed and made this photograph where the sail wagon is little smeared out giving the impression of speed.

Life goes on and I'm pretty sure some soldiers lost their lives at this particular place during WW 2. Several decades’ later hate has been tagged with graffiti and people go on as nothing ever happened.





Sexus, Nexus - 2012-11-21



Princess arrived late at my place this Wednesday morning. Usually she drops her youngest kid at school, comes over to my place, lets herself in and sneaks into my bed. This happens usually around 8:35 am or so.

It was 10 past 10 and I was writing when I heard her knocking at my door. Then she came in.

"Hi ", she said, "sorry I'm so late, hell, I broke all the speed limits to get her a.s.a.p."
"Never ever do that again", I replied. "You'll win 40 seconds or so, it isn't worth it."
Took her in my arms, we kissed, I looked in her eyes, so beautiful, felt an urge to cry, Princess is so kind, so loving, so gentle with me, so understanding.
Sometimes I think I must have died without knowing it and now I have my personal angel looking after me.

"Sorry", she said again, "we don’t have much time."

I gently caressed her cheek; she closed her eyes, loving my soft touches.
"Let's go to bed," I whispered.
"Yes, please," she murmured.
So we did.
We got undressed, skin on skin, such a wonderful feeling. Kissing like made, our hands everywhere.

Soon her tongue was playing with my nipples, then going down, taking it all in, enjoying it, playful and so much variation. It was maddening.
Guess she felt I was getting there so she stopped, sat on me, offering me her breasts, then suddenly, her pussy was hovering above my mouth. O boy, she was soaking wet and she tasted so good.
Turned her on her back, mounted her in one single movement, violently, Princess loves it that way. Teasing her with rapid and deep movements, then just letting my gland enter.
After a while we heard the sopping sounds, she was now really wet.
"Lick me", she demanded.
"Yes ma'am."
Went down on her, Princess is so delicious.
Finished her off with two fingers and a tongue that was everywhere.
"Oh boy,” she sighed when I took her in my arms.
I caressed her for a while.
Then her tongue was on my nipples again.
"Play with yourself," she groaned.
A few moments later I was ready to explode, she felt it, sensed it, her mouth was at the right place when I finally unloaded and she got it all.
Kissed me afterwards, Princess hadn't swallowed it all.
Tasted my semen in her mouth and almost came a second time.

Ten minutes later we had some tea. We had made love for almost an hour and a half, a quickie to our standards. And for the first time in weeks we had experienced 100% vanilla sex. No nipple squeezing or hair pulling (me) or scratching my skin until I bleed (she).
Just plain everyday vanilla sex and it had been great. Well kind of.

Then Princess left, she had to pick up her kid at school.

I put one some clothes, made a few phone calls and left home shortly after.
Forty minutes later I slid my Visa card in a machine and tapped my security code. The terminal beeped happily.
"Here you are, Sir," the guy said. "You have a standard 2 year warranty."
"Thank you," I replied and left the store with a Google Nexus 7, 32 Gb. version.




Encounter with the past - 2012-11-22



When I was 19 I started my second year in Art School where I was following photography.
A newcomer in the first year, Anna C., became my first girlfriend.
Her parents were very rich, owning a Jaguar and a Porsche and Anna had a horse. Her father, a CEO, disliked me but tolerated my presence; her mother was a very good cook

Anna had a small face buried in lots of black hair and what was left was hidden behind big and thick glasses. We never did much, sexually speaking. A lot of kissing, a few occasional fondling with her breasts and I remember fingering twice. She never played with me, never showed any interest in my body. What I do remember though, on a few occasions, while grooming her horse with a currycomb, the animal got an erection and she liked to caress it.
When I left school we broke up and I never saw her again.

Slowly my memories of Anna C. got buried under dust and finally she disappeared completely out of my mind.

Now more than 3 decades have gone by since we said goodbye for the last time.

Some six months ago I got a Facebook friend request from Fred C. living in the same village were Anna used to live. There was no photograph attached to his profile.
I remembered Anna having a sister, no brother though and the name Fred didn't ring a bell. I didn't accept nor reject the invitation, just waited to see what would happen next.

Fred finally sent me a private message. I replied and got a long answer back.
Apparently Anna got married and gave birth twice, a boy and a girl. Anna wrote me how over the years she had come to struggle more and more with her sexual identity and decided to undergo complete transgender surgery. It had been hard, difficult and painful but he felt happy now and his kids had accepted him and his partner had stayed faithfully at his side.
Wow I thought. And that was all I could say or think.

Two weeks ago I took Little A., my youngest daughter, to the annual Antwerp Book fair.
She was browsing through some books; I was waiting patiently when suddenly I heard my name called.
"Franco? Franco, is that really you?"
I turned around and did not recognize the middle-aged man standing in front of me. He was getting bald and had a long grey beard and behind small glasses his eyes were shining joyfully.
Automatically I shook his hand.
"I'm Fred," he said, "and it is so nice to see you again."

I'm known to be very to the point, and it is hard to sweep me from my feet, but boy, I was standing there as if I had been frozen. I didn't know what to say or where to look. It felt awkward, uncanny, strange, unsettling.

Finally I met his eyes and saw Anna in them.
"What a surprise," I said and that was it and we were left with some minutes of painful silence.

We said once again goodbye and I watched him walk away still feeling completely flabbergasted.

Little A. brought me back to reality.
"Who was that?"
"My first love," I told her.

Her jaw felt open, her eyes almost popped out of her head and I could almost see her thinking, my father!!! With a MAN?

I smiled and told my 12-year old daughter in a few words the story. She nodded, didn't say much, just accepting it.

We enjoyed a pleasant afternoon, Little A. and I, although I was unable to wipe this encounter away and my mind’s eye focused all the time on Fred's face.

Don't get me wrong on this. I am really very broad-minded and accept almost everything. People are all different and this versatility is fascinating. I do no judge or condemn people. I'm happy Anna found a solution, that she is happy and that her close relatives didn't let her/him go.
Yet, seeing your first sweetheart back as a man, it felt so strange.

Later that evening Princess dropped by and she noticed that I was feeling uneasy. I told her about my brief encounter, she already knew the rest of the story.

Princess took me in her arms and softly blew away my unpleasant thoughts.





Mont Saint-Michel - 2012-11-22



Mont Saint-Michel is a rocky tidal island and a commune in Normandy, France. It is located approximately one kilometre off the country's north-western coast, at the mouth of the Couesnon River near Avranches.

August 2006.
It was our last holiday together, with my future ex and my two daughters. No let us try to make things up kind of shit, just a few days away, mostly for the girls.
Anyway, we didn't quarrel during this short holiday and we both felt okay together. We then already knew it was over and out and it made this stay easier. It felt almost good, as in our first few years.

I made hundreds of images during our stay in Normandy but for some reason or another the stayed buried in a folder on my hard disk.

Until two years ago when I found the courage to have a peek.

This photograph inspired me and I started to play with it and then, very naturally, I added structures to the image and I liked the result very much. After that it became my trademark and I have a nice collection of very original structures.





Stamen - 2012-11-27



I love to make extreme macro photos. It is challenging working with a combination of extension rings, a bellows and a dedicated macro lens. One needs huge amounts of light because of the shallow depth of field. Focussing is difficult too as any contact with the lens makes everything tremble very hard.
This image of a stamen is one of my favourites because it tickles my imagination.



Spring colors - 2012-11-27



Shot on the costal road (D940) between Escalles and Wissant, Opal Coast, France on an early spring day. I love the colours and during these dark months of the year it holds a promise. There will be sun, spring and summer again.






A day in the life - 2012-11-28



This morning Princess sneaked into my bed. On Wednesdays we both don't work and the time we spend together, before she has to leave to pick up her kids from school at noon, is pure luxury.
We kissed awhile then she undressed and crawled next to me, her body soft, warm.

"Do you know what Princess is longing for?" she whispered.
I smiled, she is an open book.
"No, I don't", I lied.
"A good whipping. Princess wants to feel her buttocks burn."
I went to the chest of drawers and took the 3 whips out and threw them on the bed. One flogger, two horsewhips.
"Which one?" I told her.
"Just pleasure me, Milord."

I grabbed her by the hair, leading her from the bed to the doorpost. Took her wrists and guided them against the closed door, pulling her back a little, so her behind was easily accessible.
Kicked against her ankles so she would spread her legs more, Princess needs some training on that detail. Spreading legs should come natural.
Took the flogger and started with soft blows, stopping now and then to caress her behind or stroking gently with my hand between her thighs.
Harder and harder, the sound of the leather on her reddening skin made me almost cum. Hit her between the legs at some occasions, she sighed, eyes closed, making soft noises in agony.
I threw the flogger on the bed. Took one of the horsewhips and gave her some violent blows, the lashes became red instantly.
"O my god", she sighed, turning around, searching my mouth, her tongue dancing with mine. Her nipples hard and under my hand I felt her buttocks burning.
Grabbed Princess again and threw her backwards on the bed.

Went down on her, hell, she was soaking wet, and with no effort at all I got three fingers in her, licking her, drinking her, she tastes so good. Princess moaned, sighed, her nails buried in the skin of my back, scratching me. Deliberately hurting me, as she knows it makes my desire grow.
I found her nipples, pinching them, pulling, tormenting them; I was ready to take no prisoners.
Finally Princess came and how. Dark stains of her wet on my coffee with cream-colored bed protection.
Took her in my arms, my Princess, holding her, stroking her sensitive skin. Aftercare is so important, even more when lovemaking is this intensive, when pain is mixed with lust, with pleasure.
She kissed me, soft and tender, whispering a thousand times "I love you".
"Where are we going with this?" she asked me after a while.
"A month or two ago you couldn't stand me pinching your nipples. Now I can't squeeze hard enough. Maybe you will need more pain or maybe we should slow things down."
She didn't answer, maybe because it is a frightening discussion.
Then Princess referred to something we discussed a few days ago.
"Please", she told me, "I want, no, I need to be collared."
"Okay", I promised. "Next Saturday I will collar you. Soft leather and a silver chain to go with."
Princess is getting there. I was happy to hear her thank me twice for making her cum. It was a very nice "Thank you, Milord" and she made me very happy.
"I'm completely yours", she murmured, kissing my nipples, licking with the tip of her tongue. Biting, ever so careful, hell, to careful in fact.
Me masturbating.
She played my body, skilfully and shortly after I ejaculated in her mouth and she drank it and kissed me so I could taste myself.

I had a thousand questions for Princess. I wanted to know which whip she liked the most.

My iPhone said beep. It was a message of Big A., my eldest daughter.
"Come and fetch me from school. NOW."
It was 10:30.
"Are you ill?" I texted.
"Phone me. Please"
I did.
A. was hysterical.
"What's the matter?" I asked.
"He is dead."
"Who?"
"My first boyfriend. Fell asleep behind the wheel. This morning, 2 am"
"Okay", I told her. "I'll be there in 20 minutes."
"I'm sorry, Princess."
"No problem my love. Drive careful."
So I did.

20 minutes later, as promised, I held my eldest daughter in my arms and she cried.
Boy, did she cry.
Hell, I cried too.
I didn't know how to take her pain away.





Came a spider - 2012-11-29



One evening, I must have been 5 or so, my father came home from work with a present for me.
Impatient I opened the parcel and found a rubber tarantula with a plastic tube and when you squeezed the bellows the spider jumped up.
Wow.
Then my mother came in the living room and I said, "Mommy, look what Daddy got me."
I made the spider jump, my eyes shining from sheer pleasure.
She screamed, yelled and almost fainted.
I was sent to bed and the next morning I couldn't find the spider anywhere. It had disappeared. Thrown away with the garbage.

For years to come I would suffer from arachnophobia.

A few years ago I started to get interested in macro photography and started to make close-ups from spiders, trying to get past my phobia.
I must say it helped me a lot although I still tend to freeze when I see a big spider.

This is one of these spider portraits, a crab spider.





Some thoughts - 2012-11-29



This evening I was home later than usual due to heavy traffic around Brussels where I work.
Stored the groceries in the fridge and took a quick shower.
Brushed my teeth, got dressed again and went to the living where, to my surprise, Princess was waiting for me.
"I'm hungry", she told me.
"How much time do we have?"
"25' or so."
I sighed. Not enough time to cook and eat and enjoy.
"Will a kiss do as a meal?" I asked.
She smiled and nodded, taking me by the hand, pulling me closer to her.

So we got on the sofa, cuddled, kissed and talked. And kissed some more.
"Is it my imagination or have we grown even more closer these last few months?" I asked Princess.
"You are much calmer, more self-confident and the trust we now have in each other has a very positive impact on our relation, yes. And the playing has helped in a very positive way."
We kissed some more and then, suddenly, our time was up.
"Love you", Princess told me. I could read it in her eyes, taste it on her lips too.
Then she was gone.

A few minutes later the doorbell rang. Big A. with her laptop I had given her a few years ago. It was broken but big A. hoped I could access her files in some way or another as she was desperately looking for some images of her dear friend who passed away in a car crash yesterday.

Used a screwdriver to open the laptop and got the hard disk out. Connected it to my iMac, I have a kit to connect hard drives.
There were her folders. She browsed and browsed through them but with no result. No photographs of her former boyfriend.
"Guess I deleted them when we broke up," she said. "Hell, if I had known."
"We never do," I told her, "and that is a good thing. Life would be unbearable if we knew the expiration date of those we love and care for."
"Sure dad", she answered and I felt she didn't understand what I had just told her.
She gave me a kiss on my cheek.
Then she was gone too.

I had a whole evening to myself.
Alone.

Well not entirely as I'm reading Sophie Morgans "Diary of a Submissive: A Modern True Tale of Sexual Awakening" and I must say I enjoy this book very much.





Zebra spider - 2012-11-30



The zebra spider is a common jumping spider. Like other jumping spiders, it does not build a web. It uses its four pairs of large eyes to locate prey and its jumping ability to pounce and capture it. Zebra spiders are often noted for their awareness of humans. Upon noticing someone observing them, they can be seen raising their head, and usually change behaviour .





Collar - 2012-12-01



Last Wednesday morning, when Princess was at my place, we played for several hours.
She wanted a good whip and I was more than happy to oblige. Started with my hand, switched to the flogger and ended using my two riding crops, each with a different top.
Princess thanked me each time I made her cum. She is learning quickly and I like it. I don't want to force, I prefer the natural way Princess is growing.

Later that day, when we phoned, Princess told me she almost used her safe word as the beating had really been very intense.

This morning I woke up and thought, well Princess is ready. So I went shopping and bought a beautiful leather collar. Added a matching leather leash.
"Good choice, sir," the saleswoman told me. "You'll be able to take her out in a classy way and the quality of this leather is outstanding."
I smiled as she was imaging me with a dog while I was thinking about Princess.

This evening I am going to collar my Princess.
Yes, she is ready.




A promise - 2012-12-01



"Which one you like most?"
"I cherish them all, Milord."
"No preferred one?"
"No, each of them pleasure me in a different way, Milord."
"Really?"
"Yes Milord, they do. Well, to be honest, one of them really stings, hurts, makes scars on my skin, burns, so I think of You when I sit down the next few days. To be honest, I prefer that one. Yes, I do. But give me time to adjust, Milord.
"Why?"
"I want of fall in love with that riding crop, Milord."
"Tell me Princess, why?"
"It will scar my skin, leave traces for ever, it is Your tattoo, Milord. It will be Your mark, Milord. I want You to sign my skin, Milord. I am Yours. Forever."






Vanilla? No thanks. - 2012-12-02



Princess stays over for the night at my place once a week and arrives on Saturday in evening between 20:00 and 21:00

Yesterday we talked awhile, drank some Cava and then watched the Bond-movie Quantum of Solace on my iMac. We went to bed at midnight.

We kissed, enjoying the warmth of our bodies pressed together, feeling happy and so much in love.

In a few weeks we will be together for 15 months and Princess has changed my life for the better. I can't image not having her in my life; she has completely gotten under my skin. My dearest wish is to grow old with her and make her happy, every single day.

We kissed, caressing each other softly and we started our lovemaking and I wanted it to be very vanilla.
Eventually it didn't exactly go that way, we ended up playing when I was holding Princess against me with one arm, hand on her back, stroking myself, stopping to tease her, going back to masturbate. She was scratching my skin with her long nails, hurting me and I was enjoying it.

Started scratching her back too, really hard and she responded immediately, she got even wetter, my fingers felt her lips open. Princess was groaning and looking in my eyes.

"Hurt me, please Milord," she begged.
I did, digging my nails in her skin.
"More, please Milord," she moaned.

Pulled her hair, violently, surprised now I didn't pull it all out.
She came with such power, trembling, her hips moving wildly, arching her back, eyes still open and looking intensely at me.

"O God", Princess screamed and sank down in my arms. I held her tenderly, close and warm. Princess was still shivering, her skin covered with goose bumps, breathing heavily, her heart ponding as mad and she made little noises, like a purring cat.
After a while she kissed me, her eyes filled with endless love.

"Now it is your turn, Milord. Am I allowed? Please?"
"Sure Princess," I answered, smiling.
I got one leg between hers, my knee in her groin.

Princess licked my nipples while scratching with long hauls over my torso. It was a maddening feeling and the pain danced with the feeling of lust I was building while masturbating.
Princess scratched even more, even harder, riding my knee, hurting me makes her cum too, and I let her do this do me now and then as I find it extremely liberating to experience lust and pain myself.
Shortly after she came she noticed how I was getting near my edge.
"Look," she said and turned her back so I could see the scars and bruises I had just made.
"O boy," I sighed and was finally pushed over the edge.
Princess was just in time so I could fill her mouth, my orgasm so intense; it felt as if every nerve end of my body was stimulated and warmth came over me.

Princess kissed me; I tasted myself and enjoyed it.
Then she held me, stroking me gently and telling me how much she loves me.
Finally at 02:35 we fell asleep.

I woke up next to Princess and my eyes filled with tears of sheer happiness when I watched her still asleep.

Princess is the love of my life.
I'm so grateful I found her.
I'm so happy she is in my life.



No, really, never ever vanilla again - 2012-12-03



We, Princess and I, try to end the week together, on Sunday evening, or start it, depending on your point of view. Most of the time I drive to her place, pick her up and then we go somewhere, the movies, sauna or my place.

We did the latter and on the way home we talked about some issues she had. It has nothing to do with our relation, rest assured.

At my place I immediately dragged her to my/our bedroom, I like to talk while lying down.

Finally she stopped talking, it was out of her system, it was now she and Me time.
We kissed and then I helped her out of her panty yet she remained fully dressed.
Without any warning I turned her around and her ass was in front of me. Started to slap it, gently, I was feeling romantic, so I didn't exaggerate. Well, to be honest, gave a few hard blows, just to let her feel who is on top.

We were unaware that we had started a memorable evening.

"What was that for?" she asked when I had given a final slap, a hard one of course. Her buttocks were coloured in, well, forgive me, 50 shades of red.
"Want you to feel at home, Princess," I replied.
"Even without my place is here, at your side, Milord. I am totally yours," she smiled.

I took Princess in my arms, pushing a leg between hers, forcing them open, her arms behind her head, one hand ready to pinch and hurt, my other hand playing with her pussy. It didn't take long before she came; intense, as usual.

Grabbed her by her hair, dragged her of the bed.

We went to the living room where I had set up my portable studio and backgrounds.

Princess likes my blog and she thought it would be nice to combine my photographic skills with my writing. It would be her contribution to my writing as she would be my model.

There is one problem though. Yes, I have, amongst others, a degree in photography and I've had several expositions. Yet, photographing people isn't my thing. I lack the art of communicating with my subjects, unable to get the most out of them.

Having Princess in front of my lens, with not much experience in properly lighting a person's face, well, I was rather nervous.

To my big surprise it went rather well and I was able to make at least one shot we are proud of. And it was fun to see how Princess was patient, how she stood there, waiting, in the position I had learned her: legs a little apart, hands with spread fingers on her buttocks and looking straight in my eyes.

I had one shot in mind, it's a BDSM cliché, I know, but pulling that one off could boost my confidence.
So I blindfolded Princess, then gagged her, I had never used this device before on her so it turned her on even more.

The studio session had made her hot and, well, me too so I called it a day and said, enough for now.
"I'll browse through the 15 or so images, I'll discover my errors and next time we will do better."
"Okay," she said. "I'm curious."

Back in our bedroom we kissed and I pinched her playfully with the nails of my thumb and index, on her inner thighs, labia, squeezing her nipples, slapping her behind while Princess was lying close to me, constrained by my legs and arm.

When we fuck we keep our eyes open, we look at each other, and our mouths are touching most of the time.

I was moving and reading her eyes, her expression, where the tip of my dick was; well, where it should be. Then, without any warning I forced myself in her. She screamed and I felt like a rapist and I dug my hand in her hair, yanking, turning her head from left to right and back, to my mouth, then back in the cushion. I played the man who, after 20 years or so in solitude confinement finally had a cunt to fuck.
Felt how Princess was getting close to the ridge and I pulled out.
Caressed her, holding her, kissing, letting her feel protected, at home, loved.
She didn't beg for more, hell, Princess is a quick learner. She knows there is more to come.

Grabbed her, took her again, fucking her even harder, as if not giving a good performance would lead me to the guillotine.
Got her close to the edge once more.
Held her tight to me, turned around and then Princess was on top of me.
She looked at me, her eyes, O my God; I could read love and lust in them.

Princess started to move. Slowly. Looking at each other.

Suddenly it happened.
I can't describe the sounds she made. Take some moaning, a few sighs, a lot of groaning and add some purrs. Stir it, no, not shaken, with an ohhhh that comes from very deep and you get the picture.

I felt it, lying on my back and I nearly cried, I was moved and happy at the same time. Princess had taken a new step in her/our sexuality.
When I looked in her eyes they were closed, her face in an ecstatic grin and Princess was, for a moment, far away.

O boy, it was incredible when I felt that warm liquid of hers caressing in abundance my balls.
Princess had cum and how.

After a while she saw the huge stain on my mattress protector and she was so ashamed.
I told her it was normal, I told her this was great. I told her I was honoured to have made this happen. I told her this was love, this was lust, this was everything that matters.

I told her I loved her so much.
She smiled.
"I do to,” Princess replied.
I couldn't help it. My eyes really filled with tears.
Fuck, I'm a romantic bastard, but mind you, a sadistic one.


Almost a mosquito - 2012-12-03



I love making extreme macro photos because it is a technical challenge.

This is the last stadium before the larva becomes a mosquito.





Punishing and other pleasures - 2012-12-05



Like every Wednesday morning Princess sneaked into my bed, curling up next to me. Kissing, whispering words where love is the main subject.
"I enjoyed reading Diary of a Submissive, couldn't stop, it makes me hot," Princess told me.
I had given it to her as a present last Sunday.
Yesterday, Tuesday, we spoke on the phone. I told her, little A. is staying with me for the rest of the week. I won't be able to play with myself and I want you to do the same. Do not orgasm.
She said she wouldn't, we would endure abstention together.

"It made you hot?" I asked. We were lying on my bed.
"Yes, it did."
"Did you play with yourself?"
"Yes, I did, Milord. Are you going to punish me?"
I pinched one nipple very hard, then the other one. She squirmed.
"I just did," I told her.
Held Princess in my arms, caressing her.

I had one leg between hers and her knee was on my stomach leaving her right buttock free.
Without any warning I pulled her hair and slapped her hard on her buttocks and before she had realized what happened I had turned around on the bed with Princess in my arms, slapping her on the other side of her bum, then turning around again, slapping, turning around once again. It was rollercoaster time.

"Hell, what was that for?" she moaned when it was over.
"Because you came last evening. I was counting on your loyalty but you didn't deliver."
"It's a breach in trust, I agree," she sighed. "How can I make it up?"
"You know how Princess. Just do it. NOW."
She went down, took me in her mouth. She gives a really great blowjob.
Reached for her hair, pulling her up next to me.

"If you thought the slapping was punishment, you're wrong."
"O?"
"Yes. I'm going to masturbate and you are going to assist me. Lick my nipples.
And then I'll make you watch when I come."
"Not in my mouth?” she sighed.
"No. And I know you'll hate the humiliation, but you'll have to lick it from my belly."
"I won't," she told me. "It is a disgusting thought."
"Finally you will," I replied.
She screamed, tears in her eyes when I pulled her hair violently as she watched me squirt, pushing her mouth down.
Princess fought, resisted.
Finally she licked it up.
All of it.

Princess is a good girl.





Assignment - 2012-12-06



I was resting in His arms, my skin still very sensitive after one of these mind-blowing orgasms He loves to give me.
His warm skin against my back, His breath stroking softly my neck, a hand on my belly the other cupping my breast, I felt safe and wanted and loved.
“Thank you, Milord,” I whispered for the zillionth time.
“You’re welcome Princess,” He replied pressing a tender kiss on my shoulder giving me goose bumps.
We remained silent for a while, floating in post-coital heaven, almost feeling weightless. There was no sound and early morning light started to creep in our bedroom. I felt happy, in balance and so much in love.

“Do you sometimes visit a garden centre, Princess?” He suddenly asked. I could almost feel Him grin and knew He was going to explore an idea.
“Why?” I asked and closed my eyes. Stupid me, this was not the answer he wanted to hear.
He pinched my nipple. Hard.
It hurt but I felt how the pain got me aroused again. I’m so sensitive to pain and He knows it, using this knowledge to his advantage.
“A simple yes or no will do,” he whispered in my ear.
“Yes, Milord. Sorry. I do go there often.”
“Good. What do you need if you want to grow a plant?”
“Let me think. Soil of course, a pot. Fertilizer maybe.”
“Okay. And what if the plant has to be supported?”
“A stick?”
“Very well Princess. And what are these sticks generally made from?”
“Bamboo if I’m not mistaken.”

I embrace our BDSM lifestyle. It has without any doubt a very positive effect on our relationship, I feel much closer to Him and our love has intensified.
Yet I’m still finding it difficult to immerse me completely, not that I don’t want to, it’s probably something I should have to work on. Therefore our little conversation didn’t ring a bell and I was still thinking what He was trying to say when He asked me what I thought about the idea.
“Bamboo?” I answered.

Then I finally understood where this was going.
“Yes that would be a new sensation,” I said, rather reluctantly.
“It would leave traces on your behind for days,” he said, His voice low and I felt how His erection started to grow against my back.
Milord gets very horny just thinking about hurting me. And I would like Him to hurt me more than He does now; sometimes I feel how He is reticent to do so. I have my kids at home and He is terrified they would notice traces of our play.

I would love to touch the marks He makes when at night I am alone in my bed, following them with my fingertips, reviving our intense moments, getting aroused and playing with myself. Coming and murmuring His name aloud in the darkness of my room.
“Are you going to get one, Milord?” I asked with a voice trembling in anticipation.
“No Princess, I will not. At your next visit at such a garden centre you will look for them, trying one, hitting the palm of your hand. Mind you though, your buttocks are much more sensitive. If you like the feeling you will buy some and bring them with you, a present from you for me.”

I swallowed. It was His first assignment for me, His submissive, and I wasn’t sure if I was ready to take our D/s lifestyle out in the real world while doing such a simple thing as shopping. And then the sheer idea of buying something He would use to punish me with, something that would hurt so very much. O my god, I already knew we would both enjoy this very much.

Well, He knows I will do it. For Him, Milord, yet also for me, His submissive.
I’m craving for His marks on my skin, His signature for me to feel and enjoy every single moment when He is not in my life.





Collar - 2012-12-07



The delicate bouquet of Princesses perfume and the delicious scent of her soft skin mix perfectly with the odour of her collars leather.

It is maddening and arousing.

I find Princess extremely sexy when she wears it.



Princess collared


Simple colours - 2012-12-07



One late afternoon I spend some time photographing on the Schoonselhof Cemetery near Antwerp. The light wasn’t that great but it offered some interesting opportunities. Like this simple shot of light falling through the window on the wall of a crypt.





Annual honesty - 2012-12-07



I made this image of annual honesty or Lunaria annua in my small studio. One light for the front and much smaller one, a black paper tube in front of the flash, to show transparency. A brown piece of paper was used as a background.





Rose - 2012-12-07



This image was shot on Schoonselhof Cemetery, Antwerp.

Porcelain rose, trying to withstand eternity on a grave that has been neglected for decades. An early morning, covered, soft light, after a short and refreshing drizzle.

Some drops remain, tears on the man-made petals.

It is a sad thought that in time all of us will be forgotten except for the lunatics and madman. And a handful would-be saints.




Poles at Sangatte, France - 2012-12-07



Once again the Opal Coast in France.
This image was made with a relative long shutter speed during high tide so the movement of the water seems more like mist.

I added several textures to this image to create exactly what I had in mind when I was standing there, waiting for my camera to finish the exposure.
That evening, like most of the time before Princess finally came in my life, I was feeling blue and alone. Craving for romantics, for love, for meaning something in the life of another human being. Desperately wanting to make someone special happy. Little did I know, then, it would include cuffs, crops and whips.

I am so grateful she came into my life, my Princess. She has made all the difference.

Carousel - 2012-12-07



I love France where I feel at home.
A few years ago, it was the last time I spend my holidays with my two daughters; we stayed a week in Brittany, France.

Every single evening we drove to Binic for supper. We had great moments and little did I know it would be the last time big A. would come with me on holidays. If I had known, I had tried to make it even more special.
Fortunately we are not aware of what will happen tomorrow or even in five minutes from now. Hell, life would be unbearable.

One evening I made this image.
Fun is over, there is nothing more than emptiness and loneliness and dreams of moments that where fun but so brief in time.

Carousel, no kids anymore, it is bedtime. There are only fading echoes. Only memories.

Blériot Plage, Sangatte - 2012-12-10



'Blériot Plage' is named to commemorate Louis Blériot who, on the July 25, 1909, was the first person to fly across the English Channel. He flew from the beach at Sangatte, to the cliffs at Dover to claim the prize offered by the Daily Mail. The crossing took 37 minutes in his aeroplane, Blériot XI, built in collaboration with Raymond Saulnier.
Sangatte itself became internationally famous because of the works for the Channel Tunnel and is the location for the tunnel's French cooling station. (Source Wikipedia)





Assignment - The Sequel - 2012-12-10



"I'm going to a garden centre tomorrow," Princess told me on the phone.
It was Friday evening, when we don't see each other, generally 4 evenings a week, we phone each other.
"Oh?” I asked, innocently. "Why?"
I heard her laugh.
"You know why," she replied. "Your assignment turns me on, you really have no idea. I want to do this, I want to embrace the things you are giving me and you are really opening my world. It feels a little awkward though taking the D/s to the outside world."
"Sure kiddo, keep calm, no one will see something else than a gorgeous chick buying some sticks to support her plants" I told her, more moved by her words than I wanted to admit to myself.
"Who are you talking to, old man?" little A. suddenly asked as curious as a 12-year old should be.
Little A. was spending the weekend with me; in fact she was already staying at my place since Tuesday evening.
"I'm talking to L."
"Say hi for me."
So I did and said, L. says hi back to you. Little A. smiled, she adores L.

"Love you Darling," I said to L. "And I miss you."
"Can't wait till tomorrow. Longing so much for your arms, your kisses. Your love."

It was almost nine in the evening, the next day, when Princess finally arrived.
I heard her open the door, went to greet her. Held her in my arms. Kissed her, then drowned in her eyes.
"Look," she smiled.
In her hand she held two bamboo sticks, about 93 centimetres long (some 3 feet).
"Two, Princess?"
"Yep. Wasn't sure if they would break easily. Boy did I enjoy this. One of my daughters insisted on coming with me. In the shop I couldn't find these sticks so I had to ask. Then my daughter asked me why I needed them. Creepy. Fuck, this was one hell of an assignment but I'm so happy you made me do this. I feel much more your submissive knowing you make me do things for you outside of your control zone. When you are not there but so present in my thoughts. Then even you control me."
Took the sticks in my hand. Showed her that holding one stick at the end gives a different blow than holding it in the middle. It's all about dynamics.
Princess kissed me. Whispering thank you once more. Telling me she was sad I was not able to use the stick this evening. Remember, little A's room is next to ours.
"We have to wait until tomorrow evening, darling." I took the sticks and hid them in my bedroom.
Then we went to the living room.
Little A. was glad to see L.
L. was glad to see little A.

"Little A.?"
"Yes pops?"
"Do you mind if L. and I go out for a drink?"
"Nope. Have fun."

"Before we leave I have to show you something," I said to L. and took her to my bedroom.

To be continued.


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